'When will banks stop sending letters addressed to my departed wife,' asks grieving Barnsley widower, 83
A grieving Barnsley man says he wants “real change” after receiving endless letters addressed to his dearly departed wife - asking her to fill out her own bereavement forms.
Ralph Swindells, from Wombwell, says he is “still getting used” to unexpectedly losing his wife, Susan, on November 6, 2024. They were married 57 years.
However, the 83-year-old says adjusting to life without his partner is made all the harder by the frequent letters he still gets addressed to Susan from banks and companies informing them of his loss.
But most insulting of all is when he opens the letters to Susan and find they are from companies asking her to fill out her own bereavement certificates.
Ralph told The Star: “I’ve been angry, and I must admit I’ve been upset when I get the letters. It can get me a bit teary.
“The number of letters I’ve received asking Susan to fill in her own bereavement certificates - it’s absurd.
“The first arrived about six weeks after she passed away, as I was coming around to adjusting to the situation. It really knocked me back a bit.
“I can’t be on my own here - this must happen time and time and time again to so many others.
“You go through all the hoops to let people know that your partner is no longer with you, and still letters arrive, addressed to them.
“A friend of mine, her husband has been deceased six years and she’s still receiving letters addressed to him.”
Ralph said the “worst two culprits” in the months since Susan’s passing have been Lloyds TSB and Tesco Bank - but says that “Tesco, at least, eventually stopped after I contacted them three times, and sent a letter of apology and a compensation cheque.”
Ralph said: “I think it must be because of AI and technology, and offices being understaffed or overworked - it means there isn’t a human looking at your case. I’m sure if a real person looked at my case for even a minute they would see it isn’t appropriate.”
Ralph says he wants companies to take responsibility and put a “real person” behind decisions in bereavement teams.
Ralph also says he is currently raising a complaint with Lloyds TSB that saw him passed from a ‘specialist bereavement team’ to the ‘executive complaints officer.’
A spokesperson for Lloyds TSB said the letter to Susan “should not have happened” and apologised.
The spokesperson said: “We know that losing a loved one is extremely upsetting and carefully supporting the bereaved families of our customers is very important to us. We recognise our service fell below what Mr Swindells expected of us at such a difficult time, for which we are very sorry. We’ve listened closely to what he’s told us about the experience and we sent a hamper and a payment in recognition of the distress caused.”
Ralph said he did receive a fruit basket from the bank. However, it arrived while he was on holiday, so it ended up rotting in his garden.
In the meantime, Ralph said he is taking action for change in his own way.
He said: “I’m in a lot of social group - Pilates, badminton, quite a few others. I printed copies out my letter of complaint and take them with me, and say ‘tell people about this.’
“I’ve also published them on my Facebook profile.
“I think embarrassing them might be the only way for them to do something about it.”
Ralph and Susan were married for 57 years. They met at Mexborough Cricket Ground in their 20s. Ralph said: “I was an avid cricketer and her sister was a tea lady at the grounds, and Susan used to help her.
“Funnily enough, whenever I went down, our friends would say ‘there’s a seat for your here, Ralph.’ And it was always an empty seat next to Susan, so I suppose they had it in mind.”