Dave Allen’s brutally honest weight confession
Dave Allen has admitted that his weight has “somewhat spiralled lately”
Dave Allen has a face he is quite happy with.
It is the rest of him that he is less convinced about.
“Life’s great mysteries, time, gravity, aeroplanes and how I have the face of a 12 stone man and the body of a 57 year old who spends six days a week in (the) pub,” the Conisbrough heavyweight recently told his followers.
It was vintage Allen, a sentence which somehow manages to be both brutally honest and very funny.
He has always had a knack for saying what most people would probably rather keep to themselves, usually with a joke attached and very little interest in polishing the edges.
Recently, though, the gags have been carrying something a little more serious.
Allen has admitted that his weight has “somewhat spiralled lately” and, for the time being, there is no immediate fight on the horizon.
"After much consideration my next fight will only take place if/when I can be in the correct position to do" he said on social media.
His weight, he explained, "has been an issue my whole adult life."
He does not believe it has affected the results of his previous contests, but he does not think his current weight and "overall application" are where they need to be if he is going to tackle some of the most fearsome heavyweights in the world.
"I plan on boxing again and hopefully in the not to distant future but for now be no talk of boxing till I get myself fit and well."
It is a remarkably straightforward statement, even by the South Yorkshireman's standards.
Even when discussing himself, Allen has an impressive ability to puncture any hint of solemnity.
"I always saw a lot of myself in Homer Simpson" he says.
But Allen is now addressing the way he is portrayed online, and has taken responsibility for some of it himself.
I’ve always lacked confidence and belief but I was dragged up and destined to have f*** all but I’m now ridiculously successful and actually really rich, overweight but still handsome.
“The last few weeks I see a lot of stuff online, Dave Allen is this and Dave Allen is that,” he wrote. "I have to take responsibility for that because not only do I allow it I also most of the time play into it."
What followed was perhaps his most memorable declaration yet.
“I’ve always lacked confidence and belief but I was dragged up and destined to have f*** all but I’m now ridiculously successful and actually really rich, overweight but still handsome."
There is the Allen paradox.
He can see the belly. He can joke about the paunch.
But he is also perfectly capable of looking at his life and recognising that he has done rather well.
“I’m here to tell you all I’m not embarrassed any more I’m proud to be doing good. I f****** worked hard so if I wanna dress like a 14 year old who forgot his PE kit and have a belly I will.”
For now, the next bout can wait. Allen has work to do, but he is making one thing very clear: he is proud of where he has got to, belly and all.