'My double life: living with eating disorders, addiction, psychosis, and celebrity success,' says Sophie Mei

We were both in our early 20s, and working as trainee reporters at The Sheffield Star, when we were teamed up to work on a video feature.

She was fascinating: the beautiful charismatic bellydancer who’d bowled Simon Cowell over on Britain’s Got Talent.

In person, she couldn’t have been more sweet and self-deprecating and I liked her instantly; with her enormous smile, booming laugh, and dancing eyes, she was the epitome of youthful freedom and fun.

"I remember those days well,” Sophie recalls now, her bright smile dulling slightly on her lips.

"I was so poorly, I was battling horrible addictions and eating disorders, and often thought about killing myself.”

That’s the brutal reality of mental health.

"I know I don’t look how people expect someone with mental health struggles to look,” she adds.

"I remember once being told, by somebody who actually worked for the crisis team supporting me, that I was too pretty to be so sick.”

It’s something that Sophie has heard all her life, and something she’s worked hard to battle against - the ‘box’ into which those who are struggling are meant to fit, in order to get the help they need.

"I was ‘too glamorous’ to be mentally ill, not ‘mumsy’ enough to be stood at the school gate, and not outwardly thin enough to be as close to death’s door as I was at the height of my eating disorder,” she says, with a shake of her head.

"I’ve never fit into a single regular box in my whole life, and I’ve finally learned to embrace that, but it’s taken years."

Today, sitting in her living room – which is just like her, warm and filled with glitter and shine – the 32-year-old has a smile as wide as her face.

It’s barely breakfast time, but she’s already in full ‘sparkle’ mode, wearing a little white dress, enormous dangly earrings, and shimmering eyeshadow.

She’s a picture of composure, but Sophie is the first one to burst that bubble, regularly vlogging about her struggles with mental health, and a difficult history with eating disorders and bouts of psychosis.

The health & wellbeing influencer, who grew up in Pitsmoor, was just 11 when her eating disorder and depression began.

"I was mixed race, my parents had split up, and I had gay dads,” she says.

"I stuck out, and I was badly bullied at school, so the eating disorder gave me some perception of control.

"As I got older, it got worse, especially following a serious assault when I was 13.”

It was after this traumatic incident, and the resulting court case, that Sophie discovered bellydancing.

"The first time I saw belly dancing was at a multi-cultural festival in our local park,” she says.

"The women weren’t stick thin like others dancers I’d seen, and yet they weren’t the slightest bit bothered about their stomachs being on show.

“For the first time, belly dancing allowed me to lose myself in something more rewarding than creating scars on my arms.”

Sophie’s journey, from her difficult early years, and Britain’s Got Talent fame, to becoming a young mum, and ongoing mental health battles, is documented in her new book, ‘Eat. Sleep. Control. Repeat.’

"People are often surprised when they hear my story,” reveals Sophie.

"I was leading a double life, travelling the globe and hitting so many career goals as a performer and a journalist, but in private I was a mess.

"When I was 21 I couldn’t take it anymore, and took an overdose.

"I felt a huge wave of guilt when I woke up in the hospital with my family around me, but I was also disappointed that my suicide attempt had failed.”

Sophie did eventually get the help she needed, though her road to recovery has been long and paved with obstacles.

"I never thought I’d recover, but with a lot of support I found my way out of the dark place that cast a shadow over my life for so many years.”

She refers to the negative thoughts that plagued her as ‘the bully inside me’ and reveals she now works hard at being her own unconditional best friend, rather than her biggest critic.

She also praises her ‘tribe’ – her online following, with whom she shares her ups and downs on social media.

“Blogging and vlogging is like therapy for me,” says the mum-of-two.

"I see it as my calling to be open about my story, whether that’s writing about psychosis, or posting a video of myself having an anxiety attack to show people how it feels, which went viral.

"If something I put out there helps one person to see that, no matter how bad things have gotten, there is always a way out, then it’s worth it.

"I’m not some happiness guru in a shiny life, I’m a real person with big struggles, but I’m happy to lay my life out there, warts and all, to show others there’s always hope.”

Today, Sophie is quick to praise her loyal ‘cheerleaders’ – her family, friends and supporters – for helping her to finally embrace her ‘perfect imperfections.’

“I’m happy and healthy, and that’s why this was the right time to write this book,” she says, the wide grin back on her face.

"It was emotional at times, and while my journey is always ongoing, I feel like that chapter of my life is closed, and I can move forwards now to the next one.”

And as for her mission to be an ambassador for misfits everywhere, she adds, with a shrug: “I’m not for everyone, and I’m okay with that.

“I’m creatively crazy, with a tincture of madness, but there’s beauty in that, and I’m finally learning how to harness it.”

Visit Hall Good Books to buy ‘Eat. Sleep. Control. Repeat’

For more on Sophie, visit her BLOG, WEBSITE, and YOUTUBE.