"I thought I was trans and even had surgery - but I was actually autistic"

A woman who changed gender twice and even had surgery says experts were too quick to believe she was trans when actually she was just autistic.

Aerin Bailey, 34, was born a girl called Alice but aged 16 started to have thoughts about wanting to become male.

She said at the time she was confused because of lifelong struggles with friendship.

And when she went to her GP to discuss her feelings, she was diagnosed with gender dysphoria after her second appointment and referred to a gender-identity clinic.

At the clinic two months later she was given two questionnaires to fill out at home, and she used information she found on YouTube and charity GIRES to fill them in with answers she thought would get her gender affirming care like hormones and surgery.

She said within six months she was given male hormones and no therapy was offered first.

She changed her name to Aaron aged 18, and had a double mastectomy aged 22 - all on the NHS, and was added to the waiting list for gender affirming surgery.

Her parents didn't want her to switch genders but were supportive of her, she said.

After 15 "miserable" years as a man - while waiting for gender affirming surgery - Aerin, then Aron, was diagnosed with autism in 2018 and ADHD in 2025.

She said she now realises she was never transgender - but was "an autistic female struggling with the discrimination faced by women".

She detransitioned back to female in December 2024, changing her name to Aerin, and now feels happy in her body, she said.

She wishes there had been more investigation into her original request to transition, and that her autism had been picked up sooner, she said.

A study Investigating gender dysphoria in autism spectrum disorder: clinical challenges and future perspectives (2023) discusses how core autistic traits could "mask or overlap" with gender dysphoria.

Aerin, a trainee beauty therapist from Sheffield, Yorkshire, said: "The whole investigation into changing my gender wasn't thorough enough.

"I was unwell with anxiety and low self esteem at the time and nothing was picked up on.

"No individual or clinic was responsible for what happened, but as a whole the gender identity service in general let me down.

"People just didn't enquire enough about my decision, so I ended up living a lie and felt miserable.

"All I did was fill out two assessment forms.

"I'd researched the answers so I knew what to say to get what I thought I wanted.

"In reality I wasn't trans. I was an autistic female struggling with the discrimination faced by women.

"If people had asked enough questions they might have picked up on my autism and ADHD.

"I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 26, I struggled all through school and nobody wondered why, I feel really let down by this."

Aerin grew up with her mum, dad, and older sister and says she always felt lonely in school.

"In infants I just wanted to play on my own," she said.

"By age nine I wanted to join in but nobody wanted to play with me. That was a very difficult time.

"I wanted to socialise but had no idea how to do it."

Aerin was bullied - deliberately left out of games she tried to join, and was called 'the weird girl' and people said she was 'dramatic'.

Things felt even more difficult as a teen - Aerin struggled with things 'men did', like catcalling, from age 13.

She didn't want to have boyfriends, so felt there was something wrong with her, and she began to question her gender.

She said: "I felt women were treated so unfairly by men, and I just didn't seem to want what other girls wanted.

"Instead of questioning it I thought the problem was me, I thought 'maybe I'm a man, maybe I'm trans'.

"Looking back it's a strange conclusion to come to but it's where my mind went.

"It felt like it might be a way out of all the confusion."

Aerin, then 16, told her family about her plans to switch gender and they were supportive.

Aged 17 she went to her GP, filled out two forms, and was referred to a gender-identity clinic.

Aerin was put on male hormones aged 18 and had a double mastectomy aged 22, in June 2014, at Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield.

"I was a confused teenager", she said.

"It was a mistake.

"I was so excited to get the male hormones, but when I looked in the mirror I didn't feel right as a man either.

"I'm so thankful that the long waiting list meant I never had the bottom surgery - I can't imagine how I'd feel if I had gone through with it."

Aerin, then Aaron, worked in a nursery, but still had the same struggles with friendships and relationships, but didn't feel she could detransition back to female.

She said: "I felt I had to stick with it.

"Detransitioning felt too difficult and I wasn't sure how people would react."

"But I didn't feel right as a man, I knew quite soon that it had been a mistake."

Aerin asked for an autism assessment after a family member was diagnosed.

She said: "It just made sense, we share a lot of traits."

Aerin went to the GP because she was feeling very anxious, and particularly about food, and was diagnosed with anorexia in 2023.

In treatment Aerin made the decision to detransition and shaved off her beard in December 2024.

After consultation with a GP, stopped taking the male hormones in January 2025, and got her periods back in six months.

Aerin was diagnosed with ADHD in 2025.

She was recovered from the eating disorder in June 2025 and discharged from treatment in January 2026.

Aerin, who first shared her story via Sell Us Your Story, said: "My family were so scared and that helped me to engage with treatment.

"I knew detransition had been in my mind for years.

"I thought 'well it will be hard but anorexia is harder'.

"When my beard stopped growing back things started to feel easier.

"I just texted everyone I knew to tell them I was detransitioning and changed my clothes.

"It was very awkward at first but I just pushed through.

"It's very hard to find any information on detransitioning.

"It was such a great feeling to get my periods back, I never knew someone could be so excited about a period.

"I am now a happy confident woman.

"When I look in the mirror I am just happy to be me.

"If I had known I had autism and ADHD I wouldn't have gone through any of this.

"I know it was my decision to transition to male, but I wish I'd had more help - it was gender roles I had issues with, not my own gender.

"If you're considering a gender transition think twice, talk about it as much as you can.

"If you're a woman and you feel like you don't belong, this doesn't mean you're not a woman.

"If you've made a transition mistake detransition is possible."