'It's time, Mum' - Sheffield United fan who lost her son ready for emotional Lane return v Spurs

The FA Cup fifth-round tie will be Kirstie’s first visit to United’s home stadium without her son, Oliver, who died eight years ago. Regular travellers all over the country to watch the Blades home and away, their last game together was a cup tie at Bramall Lane back in 2015 – at home to Spurs. The anniversary of his death was two days before Wednesday evening’s game.

“It just seemed like it had to happen,” Kirstie said from her home in Cleethorpes. “It’s meant to be, isn’t it? The game against Spurs, at Bramall Lane, in the cup, in the same week as the anniversary of losing him… it was like he was saying to me: ‘Come on, Mum. It’s time you went back’.

“That’s how it felt. ‘It’s been eight years now. It’s time you went back to the Lane’. So I am. I’m quite nervous about it. But I am going.”

Kirstie, a Blade for over 30 years, has been to a couple of away games since losing her son but could not face returning to Bramall Lane without Oliver by her side. “I am a big Blade and Oliver and I went to games whenever we could,” Kirstie said. “I brought him up on my own, just the two of us, and that was what we did.

“I almost got him singing the Greasy Chip Butty song, like I did. He’d just look at me, belting it out before kick-off, thinking: ‘Oh, God, Mum’s off on one again!’ I think I could have got him to join in with me, if I had a bit longer. Just a bit more time.

“I’ve been to a couple of away games since, but there’s just something different about the Lane, isn’t there? There’s something special about that place.”

Kirstie, a finance manager with a local charity, bravely opened up in an emotional interview with The Star in a bid to keep her son’s memory alive. A student at Sheffield Hallam University, Oliver was 19 when he passed away back in 2015.

“The coroner decided that Oliver took his own life,” Kirstie said, after a pause. “He didn't take his own life. He was knocked over by a car. They say he threw himself in front of the car. I know my son, and I know that wasn't the case.

“But he did have depression and found going to university very difficult, being away from home and things like that. So I'm starting to work with Sheffield Hallam, trying to improve the services they can provide to students in that sort of situation.

“I can remember trying to ring the uni and say: 'Listen, my son's struggling' and they couldn't talk to me, because he was over 18. So I'm working with them on that, to try and put something in place and that's really important to me.

“It’s a big thing. Oliver was quite independent - he had to be. It was only ever me and him, and I worked full time. I can remember him saying to me: 'At least I'll know how to use a washing machine when I move away, because a lot of my friends don't!' Daft little things like that.

“I was chuffed when Oliver decided to go to Hallam, because I love the city and I thought it was a great excuse to go to Sheffield more regularly. But he found it hard, and there needs to be more to help students. So I’m working with the university on that.

“Oliver's depression didn't become obvious to me until about three weeks before he died. He'd hidden it from me for months. One day he rang me and he was sobbing down the phone. So I said: 'Get on the train, you're coming home'. From that point onwards I'd put him on a train in the morning to go to uni if he had lectures.

"But he didn't always go to them. He was so depressed, and so tired, he'd just go to his accommodation and sleep. It was so difficult. Being away and not being able to do anything about it. The uni couldn't talk to me. It's not that they wouldn't; they couldn't. So it was hard to try and move forward.

“We'd just come to the decision, a few days before he died, that perhaps he should drop out and start the year again. He was struggling so much. That particular day, he went out for a walk to try and clear his head and he just crossed the road. He didn't see the car. So, you know...”

With that, Kirstie let out a sigh that said everything. She is proud of her son, proud of his memory, and the fact that he made the choice to become an organ donor after passing his driving test. The conversation was brief – “He just told me he’d ticked the box on his licence form and I said: ‘Good on you’,” Kirstie said – but helped make his wishes clear when Kirstie was faced with that unimaginable question from a doctor.

Oliver’s organs helped three people; two men receiving a liver transplant and a woman benefitting from a pancreas and kidney donation. “I’m proud of that,” Kirstie said. “But I find it very difficult as well. I am so very proud of him for becoming a donor, but so very sad that he had to.

“I just try to make sure he’s not forgotten. It's been eight years and sometimes it can be hard, because people move on. And I get that, completely. But when things like this happen, it's like: 'Okay, I need to shout about my son a little bit here'.”

Kirstie’s cousin, a Spurs fan, will also be at the game and for this one, those first few notes of John Denver’s classic Annie’s Song will hit harder than ever before. “I can’t imagine how it’ll feel,” Kirstie admitted. “It’s like one big family at Bramall Lane, even with people you don’t know.

“It’s going to be amazing, but I think there might be a tear or two at kick-off. And hopefully a tear or two from my cousin, when we get through to the next round.”