Light relief with some daytime television

No matter how much there is to do, or to occupy you, it has a tendency to permeate your life if you have young kids, are a pensioner, a carer, unemployed or in poor health. I myself can tick three of these boxes.

So, what’s on offer? Firstly there’s Lorraine Kelly’s show. She always politely concludes interviews with celebs (usually promoting a book or tour) with ‘always a joy’, no matter how monosyllabic or arrogant.

Then there’s Phil and Holly presenting This Morning, whether or not they’re the worse for wear after a heavy night at the awards. What about Wanted Down Under? To live in sunny Australia or rainy UK? No-brainer!

How about some bargain hunting with the guy who was first (or nearly first?) out of Strictly? Or antique analysis with the perma-tanned David Dickinson?

Oh, and Loose Women, or should I say ‘Loud Women’? Or Escape to the Country, invariably featuring middle-class retirees with the kind of money a lot of us could only dream about.

There’s plenty of drama to be had with Doctors although God knows no overworked and cream-crackered GP would have the time for all their extracurricular activities.

There’s the house, garden and beauty makeover shows too.

In my case, where would they start with all three?

To challenge the brain cells, there’s Tipping Point, and Noddy and Big Ears presenting Pointless.

Oh, and mustn’t forget the Jeremy Kyle show, whose participants are not noted for their finesse or intellect.

If you want nearly an hour of peace and tranquillity, forget it, but if you want enough roaring and shrieking to challenge the Richter scale, welcome aboard.

Mustn’t leave out the acid-tongued Judge Rinder either. The way he bellows ‘Talking’ at an unfortunate who dares to interrupt him must’ve woken many a snoozing pensioner with a start. He certainly scared off three pigeons in our back garden.

Still, at least gone are the days of the test card featuring the girl playing noughts and crosses with the daft clown that looked like he must’ve been on something.

This was accompanied by the kind of piped muzak that even the bank would reject outright when putting you on hold.

Suddenly wall-to-wall politics is starting to look preferable.

Still, I’d be the first one to moan if the telly conked out or the ‘leccy’ went off, sad though it may sound.

Oh well, such is life. Happy daytime viewing.

CM Langan