THE world, it was announced this week, has finally gone to Hell in a handcart.
The lunatics have taken over the asylum. The whackos are at the wheel. The whole country is being crash-landed into crazy town by cracked-up co-pilots.
This has been the general verdict following what will surely become known as the most scandalous story of the age.
No no no, not horse meat revelations. That’s not been shocking at all, has it?
Frankly, if you eat a Findus lasagne, you know full well what you’re getting. Which is to say you know full well you have no idea what you’re getting. You’re playing an animal lottery. That’s half the fun, isn’t it? Good dinner - wonder what it was?
No, as far as revelations go, finding Black Beauty in a burger has about the same shock factor as when Will Young revealed he was gay. We know, dude. We know.
So, the most scandalous story of the age? The reason why the usual commentators and columnists are declaring that we are (yet again) heading to Hades without hope?
It’s the news that Brighton & Hove City Council is to replace a single toilet block on the seafront with another. The old one had a male and female units. The new one - prepare to gasp! - doesn’t.
It’s ‘gender neutral’. Doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on between your legs, you, my friend, are welcome to have a crack at that throne. Girl, boy, bit of both or not quite either? You’re as accepted as the next man to go in there and then tell the next man ‘I’d give it a while if I were you’.
So...how about that?
Shocked? Outraged? Disgusted? Utterly, completely convinced that a single South Coast toilet which caters for transgender people is about to bring about the end of the sane universe?
Some people are.
They reckon it’s diversity gone mad; that the majority are suffering at the hands - and, presumably, bowels - of the minority; that soon every single toilet in the UK will be gender neutral.
Let’s leave that last one aside for a moment. Because, if HS2 and Sevenstone have taught us anything, it’s that developments take decades in this day and age. New projects are old before they’re built. Even if there was a scheme to replace every British bog, I reckon, after public tendering, planning permission, consultancy and compensation packaging, we’d be looking at a work start date of about 2043 anyway.
And let’s also overlook the fact gender-neutral toilets aren’t actually that revolutionary. I mean, I don’t know the rules in your home, but me and she get along fine sharing.
So, let’s get to the bare bones, which is this: if one local authority wants to replace one lav, so damn what?
Because, sure I sympathise with the woman who has to witness some of the more agricultural efforts I’ve seen in my time, but if Brighton councillors wish to experiment, more power to them.
The world is built on ideas that were once decried. Officials should be praised for thinking outside the cubicle to try and accommodate all.
Truly, it is only a turd-for-brains who would get worked up about such a scheme.