Today’s Star columnist: Anoutchka Santella

Anouchka Santella
Anouchka Santella
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I love drunk people. They’re fun and they laugh and dance and do ridiculous things they wouldn’t normally do. I must have fallen in a massive jar of whisky when I was a kid because I seem to be one of the only sober people able to do all these things until 10am.

Most alcohol disgusts me and drugs freak me out. While everyone I know seems to think they’re the best thing in the world I would probably have a panic attack if anything was to go up my nose.

I wish I liked alcohol more. It’s sociable to drink beer or wine when everyone else does. I still feel like a kid when I’m the only one sitting with a coke at a table.

I wish I was rich enough to drink Scottish or Japanese whisky more often. Maybe if I got used to it I would stop being as drunk as a 12-year-old drinking for the first time after only one drink.

I’ve met other sober people before. They’re either ex-addicts who need boundaries and can’t party any more at the risk of selling their most valuable possessions for cocaine, or they’re the most boring people ever who think drugs and parties are for immature lazy people and getting a job and a house and a husband is way more important.

I seem to be one of the few who don’t belong in any of these categories. As a proper control freak I need to know what’s happening and hate feeling dizzy but as a proper party animal I hate staying in and not dancing and being home before 3am.

I get myself in as much trouble as any drunk girl would and have as much fun.

Worse, I end up being the one getting people drunk and insisting on going out even on a Monday.

I’m never as happy as I am when it’s 2am and I’m dancing to R Kelly.

Then there’s obviously the downside of having deep conversations with people who won’t remember it, wondering if this hot guy flirts with you because he thinks you’re fit or because he’s drunk and having your friends ignoring you when it comes to choose drinks in Bargain Beers at 4am.

But then there’s not being hungover, not spending money, not forgetting about my night and not waking up next to people I don’t know.

All I want is to dance and party and be surrounded with drunk people forever.