Sheffield woman's plea for “men to talk” after death of husband and dad with 'heart of gold'

Husband and father-of-three, Thomas McDougall, died earlier this month when he and his wife’s newborn daughter was just six weeks old.

Tom witnessed an accident while working as a bin loader, which his wife Stacey said caused him to experience symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. His mental health worsened for various reasons over time, and led to him going missing for four days in June. 

Earlier this month he passed away.

Stacey, Thomas’ heartbroken wife, described him as bubbly and outgoing, and a "massive" Rangers fan.

“People knew him as 'Scottish Tom'. He would always be wearing his Rangers shirt, and it got to a point where people would joke, ‘have you got any other clothes?’”, she said.

“He was laid back and sociable. He was the life of the party. It was really hard to see him change.”

A GoFundMe page was started by Stacey’s friend, Corrie Marsden, to pay for Tom's funeral. She is also hoping to get his name up on the board at a Rangers game.

Stacey, from Hackenthorpe, said: “It means the world, people donating. I just wish he knew and could see this now. I wish he knew how much he were cared for.”

£2,725 from 119 donations has been raised in eight days. Corrie plans for any spare money to go towards Stacey and her three children Carly, 11, Scott, eight, and Sophia, who is just seven weeks old.

Corrie said: "The last thing I want Stacey to worry about is money. I don’t want her to put a penny towards the funeral. I want them babies and his wife to give him the send off he deserves."

Stacey said she wish Tom had got the help he needed and had felt able to talk.

Stacey said: "He said 'I can't keep putting you and the kids through it anymore'. He thought we were better off without him. It hurts, being his wife and him not being able to talk to me.

"I’m numb. I’m numb to the fact I’m never going to see his face again. And the kids are never going to see him again. I’m just angry he never got the help he deserved. He was failed, and we were failed as a family."

Stacey said: "It was the most harrowing scream I’ve ever heard, when Carly was told.

Carly has been Stacey’s "rock". She goes to sleep with a picture of her dad on her chest every night. 

"I want men to talk. I don’t want anyone else to be going through this. It has absolutely destroyed us. He will never see his kids grow up, and play football. He’ll never see them get married," Stacey said.

"The pain doesn't stop, the pain has been passed onto us because he didn’t get the help he needed. It’s not embarrassing to talk. It's not anything bad like that."

Thomas died on August 12, aged 31. His funeral will take place on September 4.

When life is difficult, Samaritans are here – day or night, 365 days a year. You can call them for free on 116 123, email them at [email protected], or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.