Sheffield men talk realities of mental health in ‘Men Up North’ round table

"I think that’s a common concern for men.

"There’s this stigma around mental health, and men often feel they should ‘man up,’ and bottle it up."

Diego is one of five men from talking and support group, Men Up North, who’ve gathered in Sheffield to share their experiences of mental health struggles for a round table, as part of The Star’s ‘Mental Health: In Conversation’ series.

Men Up North launched in Sheffield in 2017 and is on a mission to normalise honest conversations on male mental health and masculinity in the North of England.

“I haven’t talked to my family about my struggles,” admits Diego, aged 37, of Heeley, who has battled anxiety and depression for ten years.

"I know it would break their hearts to know I’m not okay, and I don’t want to worry them, so I tell them I’m alright, but that’s a facade.

"Men Up North gives me the opportunity to be open about my feelings, and is working to break these stereotypes, offering a community where men are told ‘it’s okay not to be okay.’

"When my family read this article it will be the first they’ve heard of my struggles; I think it’s time.”

Mark Newby joined Men Up North in 2018, following the death of his mum, for whom he was a full-time carer for nearly seven years.

"My mum and I had a complicated relationship,” says the 55-year-old.

"When I was a child, she was mentally and physically abusive, which left me with a lot of feelings I suppressed for decades.

"I ended up going off the rails with drugs and alcohol when I was a teenager, and was eventually put in care.”

Mark reveals he buried his head in his problems for years, struggling on and off with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.

Following the death of his son, aged 13, in 2003, Mark had a breakdown.

“I went for intensive counselling, and as the counsellor probed my past, everything came out.

"Men of my generation often feel they shouldn’t open up about their feelings, but once I started to let things out, everything got better.”

Mark now attends weekly Men Up North sessions, talking openly about the difficulties he’s faced, and has even written online about his experiences.

"I’ve spoken to people who’ve been through similar things to me, and it’s been so important to have open conversations with people that don’t judge.

"As a result, I’ve turned my negatives into positives, and I’m finally at a peaceful place in my life.

"My mental health struggles don’t define me - but I’m also not ashamed of them anymore.”

Omar Aysha, of Nether Green, joined Men Up North in 2018.

"I’d struggled with my mental health for over 20 years, due to various life circumstances,” explains the 50-year-old.

"I’d been on anti-depressants on and off, but about three years ago I decided I wanted to go somewhere where I could talk openly, and where the focus was on men.

"These days there are lots of attacks on men, as a group, and this idea of toxic masculinity, but regardless of power structures as a society, individuals still struggle.”

Omar says the community he has found within Men Up North has been invaluable.

"I’m a single parent, I work from home, alone, and don’t go out much, or see too many people,” he says.

“I also don’t have family around here, so Men Up North has become like an extended family for me.”

David Hitchmough, who lives in Derbyshire, came to Men Up North in 2018, and now helps to run some of its sessions.

"I’m a big believer in peer support,” says David, aged 60, who has spent the last 20 years working in addiction services.

"I have a history of drug dependency, after relying on substances for many years to help me manage my mental health problems.

“That recognition, that other people have been where you are and have come out the other side, can inspire such hope, as it makes you realise that you can do it too.

"In talking the way we do at Men Up North, we’re helping to normalise it, and help men to see that it’s okay to have an emotional side.”

Men Up North was founded three years by Sheffield executive coach, Angga Kara, following a personal trauma.

When Angga couldn’t find a community to share his mental health struggles with, he decided to create one.

"In 2017, three of my friends took their lives, which was such a shock, as I didn’t know any of them were struggling,” says Angga.

"I began to think about the stigma of mental health and how difficult it can be for men to share their feelings, especially with other men.

“If someone did find the courage to talk about how they were feeling, who would they speak to, and what would that community look like?

"I realised that sadly it didn’t exist, so in October that year, I held the first Men Up North session in a room at Sheffield Hallam University.

"I wasn’t sure what to expect, but that first week, 20 men attended.

“I realised there was something here, something this group could provide that had previously been missing.”

Three years on, and more than 1,300 men have become part of Men Up North’s community of support.

Angga adds: “In my experience, men live life through a mask, worrying about whether they should express themselves, if people will listen if they do, and if they’ll be judged.

"It’s so important to feel heard, and accepted, and to have your feelings validated.

"At Men Up North, no one is alone.

"And yes, life is hard sometimes, but that’s okay, as long as you can talk about it.”

Visit Men Up North’s website.