Why 'mum cuts' belong in the nineties - along with Posh Spice

The year was 1998, the Spice Girls were at the very apex of their fame.

Monday, 8th February 2021, 3:30 pm
Which tool would you choose to cut a toddler's hair?

Victoria Beckham – then known as Posh Spice – upgraded her hairstyle from a chin-length bob to a short, funky crop that must have inspired copycat versions across the world.

In an ordinary house on an ordinary council estate in West Yorkshire, it inspired an ordinary 11-year-old Spice Girls fan who turned to her mum and asked ‘Can I have my hair cut like that please?’

The 11-year-old idiot was me. Sadly, the person who attempted to cut my waist length, thick and wavy hair into a, what you can see at first glance is no simple restyle, was my mum. An exceptional mum, a fantastic florist – but certainly no hairdresser.

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The results were so very bad that I distinctly remember taking time off school to go to a professional salon for the first time for them to try and rescue the situation. They failed.It took YEARS for my diamond shaped block of Lego hair to grow long enough to be tied up and I vowed that if I had children, they would only ever visit a professional hairdresser who knew what they were doing.

Fast forward 22 actual years and all of this went through my mind as I stood over my toddler in her highchair, small kitchen scissors in hand, at the weekend. She has beautiful auburn locks with little curls in, that grows like anything over her eyes, but also needs to see.

Her fringe had become so long it could no longer be combed over to the side, clips last two minutes before being dragged out, and thanks to lockdown, we can’t pay anybody to take care of the problem.

You can Zoom call your way through many things in life, but not this.

My hairdresser, a friend, sent through helpful texts with photographs on how to do it.

Small locks of hair were snipped off every time by a nervous me every time she sat still for long enough, until the longer wisps were completely gone and her vision was free. It couldn’t really be called a haircut, but in my mind there was a small nod to Mia in Pulp Fiction in that fringe. Or was it one of the characters from Dumb and Dumber I was thinking of?

Sorry baby, mum will try harder next time.