Shaun Says: I have been alive and screaming for 57 years

I’m Heinz Varieties. I’m writing this on Friday the thirteenth of February, 2026. A day perennially associated with bad luck both to the cultural triskaidecaphobia of the Western world and the apocryphal tales of tragedy and woe, of incidents and accidents occurring on the ‘devil’s day’ which, in most cases, could probably have been avoided by ignoring the superstition and just doing things normally.

At 8.38a.m. today, I have been alive and screaming for 57 years.

When you get older you can't see the cake for all the candles. Photo: Adobe

placeholder image — When you get older you can't see the cake for all the candles. Photo: Adobe

I arrived in the year of the moon landing, Woodstock, Altamont and the summer of the Manson Family murders, and other slaughter.

Manchester City won the F.A. cuo, Swindon Town took the League Cup, beating the mighty Arsenal by three goals to one.

Leeds United won the first division, Derby the second, Watford the third and good old Donny Rovers took the fourth.

On TV the popular shows included Dad’s Army, Monty Pythons Flying Circus, The Lulu show, Morecambe and Wise and erm.... Rolf Harris.

The war was 24 years in the past, the Queen had reigned for 17 years, and the world lost Ho Chi Minh, Judy Garland, Jack Kerouac, Boris Karloff and Josef Von Sternberg.

Significantly, February saw a huge snowfall on the 7th, and when I was born, over two feet of snow lay on thd ground. The summer was recorded as the hottest of the sixties.

Labour was in government, Harold Wilson was PM, and the year saw the voting age lowered to 18 years, attempts at trade union reform, a housing crisis, and the beginning of the troubles in Northern Ireland.

Today as I turn 57, Labour are in Government with thd most right wing PM of the last decade, yes, worse than Truss, Johnson and Sunak combined. The troubles are now at home, not in Northern Ireland, as the UK grip on Ulster weakens daily. But there is a glimmer of hope today, as the High Court has ruled the anti Genocide group Palestine Action, is NOT a terrorist organisation, and the government ruling that it was, has broken the law.

The far right are falling apart at thd seams as people realise they are not the saviours of the people, and that their company is kept by some abhorrent characters.

And me? On my 57 th birthday, I’m having a lazy day on annual leave, I’ve had lovely cards, messages and presents, I’m feeling very loved. To all my birthday twins, including the legendary Peter Hook, and erm...Robbie Williams, I wish you the best birthday you’ve had so far!