I’ve had a break from writing and yes of course part of the reason for being absent from this website is that I sometimes struggle to brush my teeth before midday, let alone sit down and write some interesting, relevant discourse about motherhood.
But it’s more than that, I didn’t like what I was writing, it wasn’t authentic and it wasn’t me.
It was a mismatched pastiche of other mummy blogs and parenting articles that I’d found myself addicted to on Facebook, rehashed so as not to offend anyone or cause any controversy.
Rivelin Valley Road Sheffield: Body found after police search of Rivelin Valley
Hosepipe ban: Reservoir near Sheffield less than 15 per cent full as photos show how water levels have plunged
Sheffield weather: Met Office issues thunderstorm warning as heatwave set to end with heavy rain and lightning
High Green assault: Sheffield bus driver punched on his break leaving him with facial injuries
Rotherham missing boy: 13-year-old missing for 10 days as police make appeal
But guess what, I still got criticised, so screw it: I’m going to write what I really think.
Looking back my first blogs they probably were a little bit gushing, a bit “emo” but hey, I was a brand new mum, and that’s sort of just how it is.
I’m nearly a year in now, by no means a veteran but no longer a real newbie and I think I’ve actually got some important, possibly even helpful stuff to say now.
I’m not going to pretend for a second I’ll be able to give you loads of inspiration for creative, heuristic, sensory play with your little ones - my living room is full of brightly coloured, singing plastic. Although I have seen an awesome idea to put glow sticks in the bath and turn the lights off...
I promise not to drone on about my ongoing sleep deprivation, although I can’t guarantee I won’t mention it on occasion.
Everything changes, all the time. What I was worried about a month ago I can’t even remember now but I can tell you I’ve found 10 more things to worry about since.
The point is I don’t need to worry about a “style”, being honest and genuine is enough of a style.
I’m even second guessing all of this as I’m writing it, what if its pointless? There are thousands of mummy blogs, parenting websites, magazines and whatever else, is anything I have to say really going to be important?
But then I realise these thoughts are a product of my general mood at the moment. I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed, doubting my choices and generally feeling a bit rubbish.
Sorry I haven’t returned on a lighter note, next week will probably be different and I’ll be spamming this page with pictures of my angelic sleeping baby (I won’t, that’s absolutely delusional.)
But actually that seems as good a place to start as any.
Its given me a reason to open my laptop, sit down and write something. Because I like it. And actually I think that’s the crux of it, a big part of doing this is for me.
To get a bit of me back because I feel drained and touched out and depleted sometimes. Writing is cathartic and I’m lucky I have a platform to publish these thoughts and I really, really do hope they help in some way.
So I’ll be back again next week I promise (said especially to the editor who has been patient enough to understand my fairly lengthy hiatus.)
Read Francesca’s previous blogs - click the links below
August: read more
August: Life is on hold but that’s alright.
August: Guilty secret.
August: In two minds.
August: Weaning issues.
September: Don’t leave babies to cry.
October: vacation baby.
November: robbie williams.
November: back to work.
November: no sleep for 12 months.
Contact me via my email address: [email protected] or my Twitter account @CescaNaylor.