Do you know what today is?
It’s officially National Underwear Day.
M&S, the UK’s biggest lingerie retailer, selling over 21 million bras and 60 million pairs of knickers a year, are insisting we all celebrate.
How? By rummaging in our undie drawers and asking ourselves: Are those greying knickers ready for the bin? Does that bra make my boobs look like two sacks of fighting ferrets?
Today, they want every woman, from office worker to stay-at-home mum, to wear her best undies, the ones she saves for special occasions. It’ll make you feel better, they suggest.
Not true. The bottom line? Lacy, sexy stuff is never, ever comfortable. You can’t wear it for longer than an hour. Which is usually 45 minutes too long anyway.
And for most hard-working, knackered women, a special underwear occasion is thankfully so rare, her whispy silky stuff is either rotting at the seams, or now so small, she can barely tuck her pudendum in.
And like M&S really care?
This is all a plot, a cynical attempt to shame us into buying new.
I urge you: say knickers to that.
Learn to love grey. Carry on putting comfort first.
Wear your old bobbly-cotton pants today with pride.