I GIVE up.
You might as well too, because Euro 2012 starts tomorrow.
Try as women might to mould them into better human beings, men are officially a lost cause.
And the cause they are lost to, in case you hadn’t worked it out long ago, is football.
Blokes kicking a ball about eclipses every event that means the world to a woman. It is more beautiful than their wedding day. Even the birth of their first child would pale into second place if they were offered a choice between being in the delivery room or watching their favourite team on telly. And no, it’s not because they’re squeamish. It’s because they’re selfish.
Electrical giant Comet has today revealed that 15 per cent of British men say watching their team win would make them more emotional than witnessing the birth of their first baby or waving off their child on the first day at school. A further one in 10 admit they would feel more emotional watching England win the tournament (fat chance) than they ever felt at their own wedding. I wonder how teary-eyed they’ll get when hoards of cheesed-off wives hear that and belt them round the ear-holes with the copy of the TV Times they’ve been searching through, circling all the match times in red felt-tip.
Husband, take note; I KNOW you have already done this. I also know you are searching for a cheap digi-box so that the bedroom telly, redundant since the digital switch-over, can be your route to Euro football heaven.
I suppose I should be glad he’s over the age of 24. According to the Comet survey, football is more important to 16-24-year-olds than sex.
He’s amongst the older men the survey found have cottoned on to the fact that cow-towing a bit makes the woman of the house a bit more amenable. A third are happy to do the dishes. Ten per cent of the desperados would even give up beer.
A growing number of women love football and will be glued to the games. I’m not one of them, but I don’t hate football, either. I like to watch an ‘important’ match, a nail-biting, everything hangs on this game, a description my husband believes succinctly covers practically every game in the tournament.
Why can’t they see that you can have way too much of a good thing.
I mean, we wouldn’t want to watch soap operas, gypsy weddings and dreadful people throwing crap dinner parties ALL the time... Would we?