I don’t know a woman who can refuse a glass or three.
But here’s something that will get right up your nose, something nauseatingly described as “the ultimate accessory, every lady’s Christmas must-have” – a Champagne For Life Card.
If you have some fool willing to fritter £500 on you, that is.
Your card entitles you to a free glass of champers every single day for the rest of your life when you present it at participating bars in London.
On the surface, it’s a fizzing idea. But get halfway down the glass and it falls flat.
For aperitifs, how do you know you’re not going to get fobbed off with Pomagne when you’re not looking?
And, if you’re going to get your money’s worth, you’re going to have to guzzle around 100 glasses before the company goes bust, or the bars either close down or call time on the deal.
Imagine the embarrassment of downing a glass in some snooty establishment, only to discover your card’s only good for scraping chewing gum off your shoe.
It’ll sell, obviously. To innumerable, panic-stricken idiot males racing around on Christmas Eve without an original gift idea in their heads.