FAIR POINT: Frocky horror show

Models appear on the catwalk during the J.W. Anderson Autumn/Winter menswear show as part of the London Collections.
Models appear on the catwalk during the J.W. Anderson Autumn/Winter menswear show as part of the London Collections.
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Mad for fashion, or fashion gone mad?

Male models booked to strut the catwalk for one young British designer this week must have had the shock of their lives when they saw what they had to wear...

Mini dresses teamed with knee-high jack-boots. Oh dear, oh dear, oh duckie-dear.

JW Anderson, who also has his own line at Topshop, is earning a name for his gender-bending collections and after his London show this week, fashion glossies are fawning, labelling him as captivating, clever and new.

Purred Vogue: “Fluffy coats in pastel shades and leather pleat-skirt tunics further explored Anderson’s examination of bourgeois kinkiness and boudoir perversity”.

Er... right.

Fashion shows are notorious for being utterly divorced from reality. Their clothes might be eccentric, ironic and hugely, rule-breakingly inventive. They might well say loads about the unfettered, wild-child thinking of their creators. But for unique, all too often read plain bonkers, unwearable and hugely unattractive. Not to mention ridiculously expensive.

And for us timid souls who think blue and green should never be seen in the same outfit and that the ultimate of raciness is buying a pair of red shoes, the pictures provide a belly-laugh.

Who on earth would wear THAT, we guffaw, from the sanctity of our totally tame navy trews and perfectly prim BHS cardigans.

Only, pity the poor male model. He can’t laugh. Or say in a haughty voice: ‘I will not get out of bed and be seen dead in that for a zillion pounds.’

It might look like the most glamorous of glamorous occupations, but he has to do what he’s paid to do: become the wooden coathanger. Without a murmur, clamber into whatever gaudy garb is handed to him and get on with it, hoping his brother never gets to find out.

Those ruffle-hemmed skirts and bustier tops could be the sign of things to come, though, if fashion designers have their wicked way with our blokes... Metrosexuality is set to make its mark 2013. If you thought men in tights was ridiculous, meggings are already being tipped as the next new thing in menswear.

Course, designers often add macho touches to womenswear. And a woman in collar and tie and a nice bit of tailoring looks quite fetching, in an Annie Lennox kind of way. The female version of the dinner suit, worn with only a bra and a whiff of Chanel, is daring and sexy.

But it doesn’t work in reverse. No,no, noooo.

We women must band together and fight for the right to keep our men’s hands off our skirts. Demand they keep their trousers on. Ban any attempt at bourgeois kinkiness and boudoir perversity by a straight guy. Particularly when he’s one of ours.

I mean, can you honestly see yourself letting your teenage lad out of the house in a mini dress, or heading out for a curry alongside hubby in his shorts and thigh boots, when their legs look so much better than yours?