Drunk crimper cuts up rough

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Celebrity hairdresser (What next? Celebrity rubbish bin emptier?) James Brown says everyone who knows him will vouch for the fact that he’s no racist.

His excuse for calling black TV presenter Ben Douglas and his partner by the N word at the TV Baftas?

He was very drunk.

I don’t buy that (and neither, from now on, will I be tempted to buy his expensive shampoos).

Alcohol can be blamed for many things. But it doesn’t plant the now outlawed word our grandmothers used to describe a particularly deep shade of brown in that mental dictionary in your head, does it?

The word had to be lurking in the recesses of Brown’s brain long before he got drunk.

As scissor-hands drops a celebrity split end or two, I bet he’s wishing he could cut his own tongue out.