Ditch the tape - it’s a booby trap

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If the bra fits, you wear it.

For years and years, until it’s grey, not white and one wire keeps coming out in the wash. Sod the way it looks; no one but your partner’s ever going to see it. And his underwear saw better days in the last millennium.

Then, you read yet another story about the ‘shocking’ number of women who wear the wrong sized bra, and you get Boob Guilt. Have you been letting down your puppies, all along? Are they about to turn hang-dog and skulk off down to your waist to cultivate a fresh batch of stretch-marks?

Worse, might you in some way have damaged them, and subsequently, your health?

You book a bra-fit, suffer the humiliation of being told you’re not a 36C, but a 40B or something, and go home with pups trussed and leashed to your chest-wall.

The new bra doesn’t feel as comfy as our old one, but it must be right because you’ve been MEASURED.

Well, well, well. University researchers have proved the calculations bra-fitters use from measuring under the bust and at the fullest part of the breast are worthless. Invented in the Thirties, the method no longer fits because body shapes have changed dramatically in 70 years. It boobs 80 per cent of the time.

Far better, say the academics, is to try one style in a variety of sizes and check how it fits on band, back, cup and straps.

Which is exactly what we thought all along. Cross our hearts.