When it comes to women - or chicks, as I like to call them - I definitely think it’s right to judge, first and foremost, on looks. That’s reasonable, isn’t it?
Obviously, as someone with a face even my mother shudders at and a hairline which would make Bobby Charlton wince, I don’t expect the same for myself. But, then, of course, I’m male. It’s my gender’s birth right, clearly, to have my personality taken into account before you decide to dislike me.
With The Chicks, though, I think basically what’s wanted - be this in a wife, a friend or the lass on work experience - is someone who knows how to rock a mini. If she also knows how to hold a conversation it’s a bonus, though knowing how to hold an iron is preferable. Arf arf.
Or, at least, this is how I start to feel when I spend too long exposed to lads mags.
I tend not to read them as a general rule - mainly because I’m not in prison or high school - but, last week, the king of the softcores FHM had its yearly moment in the media limelight when it released its annual 100 Sexiest Women In The World supplement.
And, of course, as always, this provoked plenty of debate. And not just the way a shocked world wondered how Helen Flanagan was higher than Corrie co-star Michelle Keegan.
No. Mainly, it sparked questions about how, in 2013, such brutal commodification of the female form is still acceptable; how, as a society, we encourage the viewing of an entire gender through the prism of sexual gratification?
Because such lists are basically wrong, aren’t they? Except - here’s the contradiction - it also feels pretty puritanical condemning people for basically admiring physical beauty.
So, here’s my solution: FHM should keep the ‘sexiest’ but drop the ‘women’. They should blow that countdown wide open. They should make it a list of everyone and everything - women, men and inanimate objects. They should call it ‘100 Sexiest People, Things and Other Ethereal Concepts In The World’.
Because who here doesn’t agree, for instance, that simply being a cartoon shouldn’t stop Jessica Rabbit making the cut? Who hasn’t taken their iPod to bed? Who hasn’t seen a Ford Capri and thought ‘phwoar? And - be honest, chaps - who hasn’t looked at Jim Morrison and thought ‘Well, I’m not, but after a couple of pints, I might...’
What? No-one’s thought that last one? Just me? Ah...
The point remains the same: it’s surely simple human instinct to sometimes appreciate things (and people) which look good. Critics should stop condemning and accept that once in a while it’s okay to say: I like this for no other reason that it’s hot.