Clean round the bend

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Age has withered my vices. I don’t buy shoes any more, I buy kitchen gadgets.

Heaven would be a big, shiny, silver Kenwood chef.

How much I’d adore one, and how little I can afford it, I can barely put into words. Instead, I wander around kitchen shops snapping up wonderful little tools and devices I don’t know how I’ve managed to cook without.

However I’ve had no trouble resisting le Creuset’s new spatula. It’s £12.99. For a wibbly bit of rubber on a stick.

No doubt, it will get every last slick of batter out of the bowl, thereby fractionally increasing each and every batch of your baking. But at that price it ought to be icing your sodding cakes too. While whistling Dixie.