AGONY AUNT: How could I have been such a drunken flirt?
Q: My wife and I regularly spend time with another couple. Last weekend we went out for a long country walk with a view to having lunch and a couple of drinks. Lunch was fine but there were more than a few drinks, then we all walked the mile or so home.
We had a great time but my wife said that I made a fool of myself, being flirty with the other woman and that I was far too drunk. I don’t remember being out of order but I was sick at home. My wife is still being standoffish with me although I have apologised. I feel such a fool and I’m a bit sheepish seeing them again this weekend. As far as I’m aware nothing has been said by the other couple but I feel awkward as it was never my intention to upset or embarrass anyone. I really hope that I haven’t lost their friendship. What can I do to make next weekend more pleasurable all round?
A: It sounds like you had a good time but maybe overestimated your capacity for alcohol. Maybe you needed to let off a bit of steam? If you can’t remember being ‘over friendly’ then maybe your wife is exaggerating to teach you a lesson, If you had been flirty then I’m sure that your friends will have taken it as a joke and laughed it off as the ‘drink talking’, especially as you can’t remember it but were able to walk home. I would be tempted to just ring or text your friends and apologise saying that if you have offended anyone it was by mistake and down to the drink. I’m sure that they will accept your apology. If there is an issue to be addressed then you have already opened the lines of communication. With regard to your next meeting, alternate alcohol with a soft drink or make yourself aware of how much you are drinking and try to pace yourself (if only I took my own advice). Try and steer the conversation away from saucy topics and put your comedy filter on. Your wife seems to have taken it very personally as if you intended to embarrass her, maybe she has insecurities from previous relationships? Only you know if you have or haven’t any attraction towards your friend’s wife so keep your hands to yourself and no flirting! Maybe you could offer a little more attention towards your own wife, whether you flirted or not. Flowers never hurt, neither does a cuddle. Don’t let last weekend ruin this weekend. Don’t torture yourself with something so trivial and don’t allow others to keep things dragging on. One of UK’s biggest entrepreneurs once taught me a phrase that I have long remembered, which is “moving forward....”