17 things that prove you went to school in Sheffield in the 70s and 80s

If you are in your forties, this is state of the art comedy.
If you are in your forties, this is state of the art comedy.
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They say your schooldays are the happiest days of your life - and if you can remember these, you'll go straight the top of the class as a Sheffield schoolchild of the 70s and 80s.

1. Possessing about 200 scented rubbers

Shatterproof? Bring it on!

Shatterproof? Bring it on!

If your pencil case didn't smell like the inside of a 'fragrances by Lenthéric' factory' you just couldn't hang with the cool kids. This even applied to the boys.

2. Trying to break a Shatterproof ruler

Shatterproof? We'll soon see about that. Most met their end in a woodwork vice or bunsen burner. Never challenge a 13-year-old.

3. Typing 'words' on an upside down calculator

Absolutely everyone had one of these.

Absolutely everyone had one of these.

You only have to show the numbers 58008 or 55378008 to a 70s or 80s child and they'll instantly start sniggering. 07734, is it fun your'e looking for?

4. Programmes For Schools And Colleges

The countdown clock minutes gradually disappearing second by second in the school hall ahead of the truly disturbing and nightmare inducing titles and theme music of Picture Box.

5. Vandalised school text books

Oooh, only a few more seconds to the nightmare inducing music and opening credits of Picture Box.

Oooh, only a few more seconds to the nightmare inducing music and opening credits of Picture Box.

Historical figures from Hitler to Queen Victoria had their legacies ruined in graphic sexual detail in dog-eared, hand-me down books by any rascal with a biro.

6. Trying to dazzle the teacher with your oversized digital watch

Bright sunshine streaming in through the classroom windows? Then turn your Casio into an impromptu laser. One reflection on the blackboard would soon lead to a scene reminiscent of dancing fireflies.

7. You know the connection between torn-up newspaper, a balloon and water and flour

If only Jim Carrey had had one of these...

If only Jim Carrey had had one of these...

How every child everywhere made a papier mache mask that looked a bit like, erm, a load of wet newspaper stuck to a balloon.

8. A Christmas card postbox in the school corridor

It mysteriously arrived every mid-December - and then each day some smug pupil would have the task of dishing out its contents. Kudos to those with more cards than Clintons.

9. A TV in a cabinet on wheels being rolled into class

"We're watching TELLY! At school!" Oh, hang on, its a dry as bones documentary about Tudor Britain. Zzzzz.

10. Vandalising your pencil case

What better way to spell your love for MUFC, Nik Kershaw or Haircut 100 by daubing it on your pencil case (preferably turned inside out) with Tippex? Or as it was called back then, Liquid Paper...

11. Taking part in 'movement'

Everyone find a space - we're going to pretend to be a tree, to some light orchestral noodling music. And streeeetch...

12. Predicting the future with a paper fortune teller

Pick a colour. R-E-D. Pick a number. Four. 1-2-3-4. You're going to get married to Sally Smith from class two. Get lost, don't even fancy her.

13. Covering your books

In much the same way as pencil cases were a statement of your tastes, your text books were an open canvas to rip pages from Smash Hits or Shoot! The poor kids used wallpaper offcuts when 'backing.'

14. Sitting in your coat in the classroom in winter

Being sent home from school for snow didn't happen in the 70s and 80s. Minus 18 and a broken boiler? Tough. Get your parka and mittens on and quit moaning.

15. Summer mornings during the school holidays

Yay! The summer's here -So Why Don't You Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead? Or alternatively stay in all day and watch The Littlest Hobo, Heidi, badly-dubbed European folk tales and endless re-runs of Huckleberry Finn.

16. Nobody played tennis, but everybody had a Head bag

Quite how an obscure company that made bags for ski equipment and tennis players became the must-have brand around Sheffield schoolyards is lost in the annals of history, but the fact was that anyone who was anyone had a Head bag.

17. That day a dog came into the playground

No explanation needed. You remember this, and it was the best day ever.