Sheffield couples warned about the dangers of 'Parallel living'

Steffo Shambo , founder of Tantric Academy talks about how technology is driving couples apart as they sit side by side, but emotionally out of sync. A 2019 survey by Privilege Home Insurance found that UK couples spend 4 times more looking at screens than each other.

"Parallel living has couples sharing physical space while being in separate mental spaces," he said. "They might be in the same room for hours without any meaningful exchange or eye contact."

Instead of having real moments with each other, partners focus on separate screens, pulling couples apart emotionally, which many don't notice until it's too late.

Shambo has shared several pointers about what couples can do if they believe this is something their relationship is turning into:

Spot the signs

"Couples should pay attention when conversations happen without eye contact," Shambo said. "If you're both talking while looking at separate screens, that could be a sign of parallel living."

The expert also says mealtimes are important indicators of relationship health. When partners eat together but watch different shows or scroll through separate social media feeds, key chances to connect can be missed.

"Communication becomes exclusively surface-level in these relationships," he explained. "Partners discuss household logistics and schedules but rarely open up to each other."

Make screen-free spaces

"As an example, keep your dinner table phone-free," Shambo advised. "The bedroom and dining area should be for human connection over anything else."

He urged couples to make time for each other with equal commitment from both parties. This planned approach helps break unhelpful habits that undermine intimacy over time.

"Fifteen minutes of full focus creates more intimacy than hours spent physically together but mentally apart," Shambo said. "A better feeling of presence matters more than how long you spend together."

Be present with each other

"Simple activities like cooking dinner become moments to connect when both partners stay fully present," the relationship expert noted. "Even washing dishes together mindfully builds more intimacy than a fancy dinner where both remain distracted."

Shambo emphasised that parallel living creates a false sense of closeness. Couples believe their relationship remains healthy because they spend time in the same space, while they slowly begin to grow distant.

"Partners often realise too late that they've become housemates rather than lovers," he warned. "The transition happens so gradually that many miss the warning signs."

Consider the bigger picture

Shambo pointed out that children can normalise and copy what they see at home, and that young people in households where adults rarely engage meaningfully learn unhealthy relationship habits that they carry into adulthood.

"These traits can be passed on to the next generation as well," he explained. "Children learn relationship skills by watching their parents, so parallel living can create a worrying cycle."

The relationship coach gave some encouragement for couples caught in this pattern. Small changes in daily habits, like putting phones away during dinner or sharing highlights from the day without distractions, rebuild closeness.

"Parallel living represents a modern relationship challenge that will likely only get worse unless you make a change," the expert warned. "Couples who address these patterns early have a better shot at keeping the relationship strong."