NOW I'm no doctor, but the last time I consulted The Lancet, flouncing around looking like the third member of Wham did was not a cure for an injured ankle.
But while Cristiano Ronaldo does serious damage to the reputation of 'Real Men' everywhere - (you know, those of us who prepare for a night-out by flicking through back copies of Auto Trader before splashing on a bit of Brut) - Kevin Keegan could rui
n the image of football by offering Joey Barton an opportunity to rebuild his Newcastle career.
The midfielder is due to leave prison after serving a six months sentence for a horrific assault. Of course, having also been handed a suspended sentence, for another attack, on ex-Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo, Barton's release will not mark the end of his on-off relationship with the British legal system.
Of course, 4-4-2 and 4-3-3 are the only systems Keegan is interested in and, as he prepares to start the new season at St James' Park with a paper-thin squad.
But I fear Keegan is taking too big a risk by revealing he will give Barton a second chance. Again?
"I feel embarrassed about what I did and deeply regret it." - After stubbing a cigar into a youth player's eye:
"It's been spelt out to Joey this is his last chance." - then City boss Stuart Pearce after sending Barton home from a tour of Thailand for kicking a young fan.
"He admits he behaved in a cowardly way." - Dabo after Barton pleads guilty to assault.
Now my maths aren't great but second chance this ain't and when Keegan talks about Barton snatching his umpteenth olive branch, he might be disappointed to realise that Barton's hands are about as safe as Alan Rough's.
Now, I'm not one of those folk who believes Barton should be thrown to the wolves.
Nor, despite what some might like to think, is he all bad as clients of the various charities he quietly supports will testify.
But he is, without doubt, a deeply troubled individual and although Keegan will feel he is doing the right thing, he would be better off dispensing tough love.
The 25-year-old's contract should be terminated until he shows he can behave in a civilized, responsible manner because the message just doesn't seem to be getting through.
If that takes two or three seasons then so be it. That would be better for Barton in the long run and, importantly, also better for the vast majority of players who do conduct themselves impeccably.
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