IT happens every Sunday morning on football pitches across Sheffield and South Yorkshire.
The manager or whoever’s in charge turns to a substitute ... “Smigger, get stripped, tha’ goin’ on.”
Smigger starts to take off his tracksuit top (lads don’t bother with the tracky bottoms even if the club has any).
So, where’s the misunderstanding there? What’s to misunderstand?
I know Carlos Tevez’s grasp of the English language isn’t very good but even he can’t “misunderstand” when he’s supposed to be going on, can he?
What language do they use in the Champions League then when it’s time to send on a sub? Who tells who and what’s said. Black and white surely?
Tevez insisted in the aftermath of Tuesday night’s antics on the Man City touchline, that he was not in the right frame of mind to play.
“I didn’t feel I was right to play, so I didn’t,” he said afterwards. He wasn’t mentally right.
So, back to the parks pitch on a Sunday morning.
Smigger’s had several pints and a curry on Saturday night so he’s not feeling great. And his mental state is affected by the prospect of ‘our lass’ being on the warpath over one or two things once he eventually gets in after a couple at the pub after the game.
But, like substitutes everywhere, he’s only too happy to get on the pitch and get a game how ever long or short it lasts. After all, that’s what he’s there for.
Of course, as with everything, there are two sides to a story and Tevez, or more likely his advisor, Kia Joorabchian, was quick to rubbish all the allegations while claiming the following day he was ready to go on and denying he refused to play.
Yes, a bit like the social-club treasurer when members find the pot empty and he claims he’s only ‘borrowed’ the missing dosh and was going to pay it back.
Anyway, we’re now into the legal minefield with all its complexities and a lot of issues for City to consider.
They may well be the one club who really could afford to let him stew on the sidelines, preferably with a one-way ticket to Argentina, until the January transfer window. Which, I reckon, most right-thinking fans would be happy to see.
But. when you read all about it, it’s not that simple and Tevez may well have the cards stacked in his favour. He could get what he wants.
Consider if this was a possible scenario.
Tevez wants to leave. He hasn’t been able to so now he’s ‘stuck’ until January. So, how to get out?
Yes, you could engineer a situation whereby you might end up getting the sack. Like refusing to play.
But you can’t imagine anyone thinking that one up. Can you?
It’s going to run and run is this one. But think on this.
Tevez is going to end up elsewhere at some stage.
So would you want him at your club? Would you give him a wonderful welcome, treat him adoringly, sing “There’s only one Carlos Tevez”?
Would you be happy to see him at your club? Would the trouble and the controversy that seems to have followed him around, bother you?
There will be no refusals to play at 8.30 tomorrow morning. England v Scotland in the Rugby World Cup.
They will be pawing at the ground to get at each other. Perhaps Carlos might like to give that one a miss!