Take Two with Colin Drury

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Gillian, in today’s main piece, won’t be the first Sheffield University graduate to go into space, of course.

That honour goes to Helen Sharman who became not only the first Briton but also the first woman to visit the Mir space station in 1990, aged just 27. Some achievement.

Yet one colleague recalls how the Grenoside-born pioneer grew increasingly weary of visiting schools to tell children about the mission. She would despair, he remembers, at how, after discussing the marvels of space and the wonders of the universe, youngsters would invariably ask one simple question: where do you go to the toilet on a space ship?

Our man’s response to her tale of woe? To nod sympathetically before a puzzled look crossed his face. “Well,” he said. “Where do you?”

Police have reminded holidaymakers to lock their doors before going away, then?

Officers in North Derbyshire released a reminder telling residents to check windows and doors were fastened, as reported in The Star.

Awfully good of them to pass on their crack crime fighting techniques, isn’t it? Although frankly - can one be frank? - anyone who needs telling to lock up before leaving the house for a fortnight probably deserves to be a victim of crime.

In other police news, Shaun Wright, South Yorkshire’s elected Police and Crime Commissioner, says the £500,000 spent on operations relating to the English Defence League event in Sheffield on Saturday was “money I would rather spend elsewhere”.

Perhaps on another £7,000-a-month media manager?