Take Two:

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AND for those who recognise Simon, in today’s main piece, he has featured in these pages before. And with some success.

He’s the chap also currently producing a book of ‘walkie pictures’ – old snaps taken as people stroll down city and seaside town streets.

After he appeared in The Star, not only was he inundated with you lot providing even more pictures, the project was also picked up by The One Show.

Producers have asked him to appear when the tome is released in autumn.

Safe to say, we’ve asked for a share of the royalties from those extra sales.

THERE are some stories where the jokes virtually write themselves.

To wit: a new bathroom range is to be named after players from Barnsley FC’s 1997 Premiership promotion winning team, as reported in The Star last week.

Where do you start with that one?

Perhaps by noting the team did in the end prove themselves to be bog standard. Or suggesting they all too often played like a shower. Or that their chances of avoiding relegation disappeared down the plughole.

Or perhaps we should just eschew the gags, acknowledge it’s a lovely idea and demand the range includes a Toby Tyke toilet role holder.

Famously (among Reds fans, at least) the legendary mascot once almost caused a riot after being pelted with toilet rolls by visiting Man City fans.

His response? To pick up one roll, pretend to wipe his costumed derriere with it, and then launch it back into the crowd.

AND there are some stories where the headline just cannot be ignored.

To wit, from The Star last week: Shark Found Dead In Blaze At Bungalow.

A sad tale, as it turned out, of a pet perishing in a fire.

Still, if it’s any crumb of comfort to the owners, Take Two was delighted with the shark’s Undertones-referencing name: Feargal.

Genius.