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Readers don't know 'Alf of it
SOME people were born lucky.
And in many respects Dene Lindley falls into that category – though you'd never guess it from the title of his book.
Dene, aged 47, has always been a teller of tall tales.
He insists the stories in Unlucky Alf, are based on real-life characters from his youth.
Characters like Alf Hart, a bloke his grandad introduced him to when Dean was only a lad growing up in Maltby.
"When grandad told me his name was Alf Hart I thought he said I'll fart and that made me laugh, but not nearly as much as when he told me his brother was called Wilf Hart."
The book which he describes as "faction" is a boyhood tale of bob-a-jobbing, apple scrumping and streetwise kids of yesteryear.
With a seam of humour as thick as the coal face at Maltby Main, it tells the tale of growing up in a tough coalfields neighbourhood where blokes had names like Nikki Bozzeye and girls were titled Gloria Stitz.
Dene, a management consultant, wrote the book with a dual intention.
First and foremost to raise a smile and, just as importantly, a few quid for charity.
The father of two, who now lives in Whiston, said: "I threatened the kids that before I reached the age of 50 I would write a novel.
"A close friend of mine whose teenage daughter was awaiting an organ transplant told me she desperately wanted something easy to read, which had a hint of humour and captured her imagination; something she could pick up and put down at will. This was the catalyst that spurred me on."
Dene began an arduous one-fingered journey on the keyboard of his laptop. Four months later, and to everyone's surprise, he completed the first draft. It was hard work, but more graft was to follow if his first novel was ever going to make it on to the shelves.
"Trying to get a book off the ground was like the male equivalent of giving birth," he said.
"I started firing the manuscript off to all and sundry.
"It became apparent it was standard practice for people to respond to you after six months, if indeed they responded at all."
But those who read his jottings were so impressed they urged Dene to try again.
Now the book is in the shops with proceeds being divided between a number of charities, including Bluebell Wood.
Dene said: "This story is part fiction, part biographical, giving an insight into my first 14 years growing up.
"It chronicles the adventures and escapades that my fellow gang members and I experienced along the way, ranging from scrumping apples, to ferreting with my pet Obadiah.
"Implicitly believing everything anyone told me created more problems than solutions.
"Eccentric relations add spice to the proceedings, highlighting real-life concerns such as bullying, prejudice, schizophrenia and alcohol abuse, to name but a few!
"I now believe that the key to living successfully, is to be able to laugh at yourself when the odds are stacked against you."
The book, non-profit making and priced at 6.99, can be bought online at Amazon.co.uk, & www.unluckyalf.co.uk or from Waterstone's, Orchard Square, Sheffield, Waterstone's Meadowhall, Philip Howard Books of Wickersley, and Knit & Stitch of Maltby.
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Saturday 26 May 2012
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