PAUL LICENSE: Don’t grass me up, but they missed me

Cut above: Some are pleased at the passing of a fad
Cut above: Some are pleased at the passing of a fad
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It’s all over bar the shouting.

The election was no real surprise.

People voted as they felt fit.

Though I have to suspect that there was more a hint of protest at national issues than disillusionment with local policies.

I don’t know if you spotted it, but I liked a letter in The Star this week.

It came from someone who popped along to his polling station to be shocked.

To his amazement there were a handful of candidates.

He had only thought there was going to be one person up for election.

Naturally, our correspondent remained loyal to the candidate who had bothered to seek him out. He voted for the person who had shoved a leaflet though his letter box.

Now that’s my kind of protest vote.

We shouldn’t be taken for granted and ignored.

Not that AV would have made much difference in my neck of the woods.

Round where I live, they still weigh the votes rather than bother counting them and nod in the next Labour candidate.

But I promised to myself I wouldn’t spend this week’s column raking over old ashes.

Enough of the election.

On with the hot topic of the week: decking’s out and lawns are back.

I write this as the prospect looms of having to mow the lawn every week.

Not a thrilling job but a satisfying one. When the grass is uniformly short and even, it really does set off the flowers a treat.

And it seems we are going to be having more of it in the months to come, if a new survey is to be believed (and I must admit that I am among the bulk of the population who hang on to every word of every survey).

Apparently a fifth of the population at one time or another installed decking in their garden.

But now it seems that one in six of Britain’s garden deckers ripped up the planks within two years.

Explanations ranged from those who thought the deck took up too much space to people who either missed the colour of grass or prefer the look and feel of the green stuff.

A few, bless ’em, got out the claw-hammer and crowbar when neighbours commented about the threat to wildlife when gardens were covered in planks.

This piece of research was sponsored by GreenThumb, the lawn care specialists. And they published it just as we are all getting out the bunting and barbecues to celebrate National Love Your Lawn Week.

Now there’s a surprise.

In case you didn’t notice, that was a spot of irony.

I have yet to come across a survey which saw the light of day blowing a raspberry at its sponsor.

Can you imagine a chocolate bar company wanting to assure us that we shouldn’t feel guilty indulging ourselves when their latest piece of market research unearthed an underlying health conscience in the nation at large?

But National Love Your Lawn Week gives the GreenThumb executives chance to crow: “Thankfully having decking was just a fad.”

That could be Labour talking in Sheffield, couldn’t it?

Problem for them is that now they’ve got to show that they weren’t all talk and that they really can make a better job than the Lib Dems. Just as they said in their leaflets.

By the way, has anyone seen one? They missed me!