One in ten Brits never clean their sofas despite them being regularly stained with food, drink and even (eugh alert!) bodily fluids.
A poll of 2,000 householders (here soundtracked by Yorkshire playwright Allan Bennett's classic "Cream cracker under the settee" Talking Heads monologue) found that staggeringly, three quarters have stained sofas, yet 54 per cent admitted they clean their suite less than once a month.
Worse still, rather than trying to clean our stains, 20 per cent of us are happy to simply disguise the marks on our furniture using cushions or a throw.
The survey, conducted by DistinctiveChesterfields.com, found that the main culprits for causing stains were tea and coffee, with the beverages tarnishing one in five of UK sofas.
This was followed by chocolate (12.6 per cent), wine (11.5 per cent) and juice (10.6 per cent).
Disturbingly six per cent claim they had various forms of bodily fluids encrusted on their couches, including sick, poo and semen.
Not only are stains notoriously difficult to remove, but one single bacterial cell from a rancid stain can become more than eight million cells in less than 24 hours - causing people to develop colds and sickness.
It is no surprise that Britain's sofas are getting soiled, with 44 per cent of people admitting to eating on their sofa daily, as well as 62.5 per cent drinking, but there were other activities found to be taking place on the coach too.
Almost one in 10 respondents admit to getting frisky on their couch at least once a week, with 2 per cent indulging in a spot of lovemaking every day and the same amount admitted to snoozing on the sofa daily.
A third of people kip on the couch at least once per week.
Steve Laidlaw, director at DistinctiveChesterfields.com, said, "If your sofas have removable covers, upholstery cleaning is pretty easy - simply put the covers through the washing machine or go down to the dry cleaners. But sofas made of delicate materials such as velvet should be cleaned using an approved upholstery cleaner, by lightly dabbing the stain with a cloth.
"Leather sofas, on the other hand, do not like water, as it could stain the material. Cleaning agents which include oils or waxes are good as they act as a moisturiser for the suite. If you've got a steam cleaner, these do the trick nicely!"
Most common stains
Pasta sauce 3.26%