Misty-eyed over Valentine’s Day? Red mist, more like...

We have high expectations on Valentine's Day
We have high expectations on Valentine's Day
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If you get flowers instead of chocolates tomorrow, it’s probably because he thinks you’re too fat.

If she turns her nose up at that posh bouquet, it’s not because she knows you think she’s fat; she would rather have had the money.

Oh, what a tangled web of unspoken thoughts and desires Valentine’s Day weaves. On the one day we’re supposed to be able to communicate our real feelings, the opposite happens. Like expecting him to be delighted when you invite him round for a romantic February 14th candlelit meal. Actually, he’s totally turned off by the intensity of it all. Oh, the romantic expectations you’re putting on him by dishing up aphrodisiac asparagus and expecting him to know which knife and fork to use. Around 42 per cent of men have actually feigned illness on Valentine’s night to avoid that dinner a deux, say prezzybox.com.

Men would prefer to take you out for dinner. Though if he tells you everywhere’s booked up, he’s probably lying. Men reckon what restaurants charge on the big night is a rip-off - and deliberately book for the night after so they can use their DealMonster vouchers.

On a day meant to celebrate love, we’re tied up in lovers’ knots. Our expectations are too high. So are prices. St Valentine’s been kidnapped by marketeers and we’re forced to pay the ransom.