Incredible sulk over web verdict

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THE Incredible Hulk wasn’t the obvious verdict.

He’s bright green, weighs in somewhere around 25 stone and according to my research (ie, what Wikipedia says) once smashed an asteroid twice the size of Earth with a single punch.

I, on the other hand, am pale to the point of transparent, have never tipped the scales past nine and once - much to a friend’s delight - broke my little finger hitting a children’s punch bag.

But there it was.

Internet tests don’t lie, right? They’re modern-day horoscopes, apparently. They hold up a mirror to our superstitions, and show us who we really are. I think I heard that on Richard and Judy so it’s definitely true.

And so, if I was a superhero, I’d be The Incredible Hulk. I’ll level with you, I wasn’t happy.

I mean, fair play, right-hooking an asteroid is an impressive party piece but it’s nothing Superman couldn’t do – and he writes front page leads for The Daily Planet and keeps Lois Lane smiling in his spare time.

But the Hulk? A science experiment gone wrong? Contorted by inner darkness and self-loathing?

Hmm.

It won’t stop me doing the next such test one I get spammed, of course. There’s nothing better to do at work, is there?

Well, apparently there is. Like your job.

Employers, it seems, are in revolt. They say we’re all spending too much time surfing when we should be slaving. They say the economy is losing billions every year as staff use their computers to book holidays, buy clothes, keep in touch with friends and find out which one of the Beatles they’re most like (George, apparently). Trade unions say as long as it’s used in moderation it keeps workers motivated and happier at work, and should be allowed.

But there’s the key, isn’t it? Moderation. Because how easy is it to get addicted to the internet?

Utterly banal, boring and barren of anything remotely interesting much of the world wide web may be - but it’s just so easy to keep clicking always in search of something to distract yourself for a short while.

It can start to eat up your life if you let it.

This weekend, for reasons I’ll not go into (but suffice to say I now owe a friend a tenner) I wanted to check who scored for Scotland against Brazil in the 1982 World Cup (David Narey with an absolute peach, fact fans). I ended up watching highlights of the game, followed by the rest of the tournament, followed by Mexico 1986, followed by Italia 90.

I was only stopped from powering through with USA 94 because she wanted the laptop for something trivial - like university work.

But that’s 90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

And while seeing the Argentinians getting spanked by Cameroon is worth a few moments of anyone’s existence, that’s time which could have been spent more productively. Like by watching the Euro 2012 match which was live on TV.

So, this is me siding with those employers and vowing to cut my internet use. Both in work when I should be, um, working and out when I should be, um, getting a life.

That Hulk result was the last straw. It made me angry. And you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.