If you take the decision to walk... keep on walking

File photo dated 01/09/08 of Jeremy Clarkson at a press conference in Tower Hotel. The BBC has apologised after the Top Gear host described a car as "special needs". PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Monday October 25, 2010. See PA story MEDIA BBC. Photo credit should read: Matt Crossick/PA Wire
File photo dated 01/09/08 of Jeremy Clarkson at a press conference in Tower Hotel. The BBC has apologised after the Top Gear host described a car as "special needs". PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Monday October 25, 2010. See PA story MEDIA BBC. Photo credit should read: Matt Crossick/PA Wire
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Now I’ve got over the shock of discovering someone is claiming a man who looks like the son of Bagpuss has managed to park up with two attractive blondes at the same time, I’m incensed.

Not at the fact that Jeremy Clarkson, a man wont to unleash the most scathing of comments in his newspaper columns or who fires off more than a few seconds of shock remarks on TV, went and got a legal super-gag.

That he paid to silence someone; Wife Number One, Alex, when he thought she threatened to tell everyone they’d had a 10-year affair behind Wife Number Two, Francie’s back.

He got his comeuppance for his super-injunction; a big, fat legal bill and a load of leaks on Twitter.

And it’s only fair to point out that he’s dropped the ban, and he is hotly denying the claims of his ex, Alex Hall.

He’s even claiming she tried to blackmail him to the tune of £300,000.

But whether the allegations are true or false, it’s cool, cocky, elegant blonde Alex who enrages me.

She left him, back in 1990 after just one year of marriage. She ran off and married one of his mates.

Presumably he was heartbroken - I seem to remember rumours about him binning all her clothes.

And she has the temerity to believe that because he loved her once, she has the right to lay claim to him for ever more.

Alex is spouting off about how she bitterly regrets dumping him, never got over him and still loves him.

Well, tough luck, honey. If you take the decision to walk out on your partner and marry someone else, the only decent thing to do once they find happiness with a new partner is to live with it - and keep on walking.

She claims that, six years into his second marriage, she sent Jeremy a note asking him to call her, Nice woman, eh?

If she’s telling the truth, then she showed absolutely no respect for his current wife.

Alex Hall is the living, breathing, blonde incarnation of a second wife’s worst fear -that you might be his second-best choice.

These smug predecessors, convinced they’re so amazing the men they married and divorced must still want them - they niggle away at their ‘replacement’s’ self-confidence.

They make second wives ask needy questions of their baffled, occasionally irritated partners.

But you can’t help it; out there is another woman who knows your husband just like you do. Or, yet more unnervingly if she was married to him for longer, even better than you do.

And if she was the one who left, then what’s to say she’s not wrong - and there is a tiny bit of him still hankering for her?

A space in his head and heart that you will never fill, because it’s still hers?

Maybe you see this woman every time you pick up his kids and she riddles you with insecurity. Or maybe you’ve never met her and in your head, she’s morphed into an amazing creature whose shoes you can never truly fill.

I’d say Francie’s got nothing to fear, though. Her predecessor’s dug her own grave.