Europhilia infection

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I wish to issue a grave warning to all the adult population concerning a chronic disease which has already struck about a quarter of the nation and has already infected most politicians.

It is called europhilia and its symptoms are every bit as nasty as it sounds.

Those infected tend to be beset by delusions and, tragically, lose all common sense.

They are affected mentally to such an extent that they will throw away mountains of cash (mainly that of other people) to feed their addictive habit.

As with all similar dependencies the effects on families and the population as a whole can be quite devastating.

Some of the victims entertain impossible dreams of corrupt politicians and laws being brought to task and held to account.

Or in some variants of the ailment, they decide that it does not matter a jot.

Their grasp of reality becomes unmitigatedly impaired.

They become susceptible to any old tosh thrown at them provided they can clutch a blue flag with a ring of stars.

They start to talk gibberish and are incapable of rationally justifying anything they happen to believe in.

Sadly, when challenged, they lose their heads, their tempers and frequently, their conscience. They will even lie to support their false deity.

I am delighted to report that there is now a simple cure available – a new panacea, no less. It is called the Universal Key to Indisputable Pacification. Some refer to this as UKIP.

Les Arnott

Athelstan Road, S13