Cowell has ‘waited all his life’ to meet his beautiful mini-me

Simon Cowell and son Eric Philip
Simon Cowell and son Eric Philip
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Simon Cowell is a dad - did we ever think we’d see the day?

Yes, ol’ Mr High Trousers may well have spent the last 54 years living with the delusion that he’s the centre of the universe, but there’s no mistaking the dopey grin on his face since the arrival of little Eric Philip Cowell on Valentine’s Day. He’s a man in love.

Apparently his first words to his new son were, ‘I’ve waited all my life for you’.

I really do hope so Simon, it’ll be lovely to see you displaying some genuine love for somebody other than yourself, and I sincerely hope that fatherhood is going to bring about a bit of a change in the pop mogul.

Of course it’s early days. Here’s hoping he still feels equally infatuated after a month of sleepless nights.

Though, is it cynical of me to imagine parenthood is probably going to be made a little easier by his millions in the bank? Paid help on hand whenever you need a break, a nap or a shower? Wouldn’t that be lovely. Certainly he’ll have felt less panic at the prospect of forking out a fortune for a million-and-one baby supplies in the course of the last nine months. And I don’t suppose he’ll be faced with the enforced standard two weeks paternity leave before his boss is insisting he leave his newborn at home to return to his desk?

I’m on the expressway to parenthood myself right now, and I can only imagine how lovely it would be to load up my shopping trolley with the best of everything and hand over my credit card with little more than a casual glance at the extortionate amount displayed on the till. As for the inevitable struggling for space, as you try to find places for all those new baby items? That should be no problem for Mr Cowell. Simply hire somebody to chuck a vast extension on the back of his Malibu mansion - or maybe just get one of his assistants to pick up another house to spill over into should he need it. Whatever. No biggie.

Sigh.