POOR little Bridie Moulds.
My advice to her? Keep your chin up and be cheered by the knowledge that, for the rest of your life, you’ve got a superb anecdote tucked away in your locker.
“My name is Bridie and when I was 13-years-old I was thrown out of a Justin Bieber concert for throwing a teddy bear which hit his leg.”
Halls of residence, high society dinner parties, strangers on trains – there’s no place that tale won’t be appreciated.
See it in Saturday’s Star?
The Rotherham youngster was chucked out of Sheffield Arena after lobbing the stuffed toy to half-pint pop star Justin. She’d attached a heart-felt letter to the be-chopped one but, when the bear hit his leg, he wasn’t for reading it.
Instead he showed the sort of nifty footwork not seen in Sheffield since Hirsty hung up his boots and tonked the offending item back into the crowd, while the arena’s security team - presumably warning each other through earpieces to be careful in case little Bridie was armed with another soft toy - dragged the startled teenager from her front row seat and out of the venue.
Probably it was only the fact she was crying and threatened to tell her mam on them, that stopped the bouncers from then following the time-honoured tradition of most doormen and giving her a quick shoeing while no-one was watching.
Harsh for sure.
But, if nothing else, at least little Bridie will have learnt two of life’s indisputable truths from the whole episode: your heroes always let you down and bouncers always throw you out.
Aye, if you toss a teddy to someone you admire, kid, you risk seeing it toe-prodded out to row Z. Literally in this case, but metaphorically too. Showing affection will get you hurt. It’s a gamble.
And, perhaps just as importantly, if you try and reason with one bouncer, you risk getting mishandled by a collective of them. Sure, their reputation may have improved over the last few years but, like bus drivers and people on internet dating sites, the fact remains if you meet enough of them, you’re sure to run into the odd degenerate.
Not, I should stress, that I’ve ever had too much trouble from them. Or rather, they’ve never had any trouble with me. I’m barely nine stone. Trouble is only ever going to go one way.
Indeed, the only dealings I’ve had was when one caught me worse for wear sleeping soundly in some club some time. He wasn’t for being reasoned with either when I tried to convince him I was alright. Looking back, he had a point.
I digress. Poor old Bridie.
She says she’ll never love Justin quite the same again. But, then, that’s not such a bad thing, surely?
At 13, isn’t it time she was growing out of such pop puppets?
Some more advice to her: don’t waste your pocket money on arena tickets next time – go and treat yourself to a box of Ramones tapes instead.