Clubs on last Lap?

Peter Stringfellow at the Abbeydale Cinema with his fiancee Bella Wright
Peter Stringfellow at the Abbeydale Cinema with his fiancee Bella Wright
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Heard about the latest victim of the recession?

Lap dancing; it’s sliding down its own slippery pole.

Spearmint Rhino on its first day of opening. Georgia entertaining the visitors.

Spearmint Rhino on its first day of opening. Georgia entertaining the visitors.

A ‘decline in standards’ has been noted since the financial crash. The dancing’s not as good and the girls are not as fit. Shock horror, many of them have never even used a pole in their lives before waltzing into a club on their perspex platform heels to strip to their knickers.

Can you believe it, though, it’s not the male customers who are carping. (Actually, come to think about it, I can; it’s amazing what beer goggles and lust can do to blind a bloke). It’s the older female dancers.

They are worried about a loss of professionalism (seriously) as jobs go to migrant workers and students. One told researchers - two female sociologists from Leeds University: “You’d see a girl who wasn’t very pretty, couldn’t dance, and had a crap outfit making a lot more money than you because she was there to make money, not to enjoy herself and be creative.”

Like, it’s REALLY important a dancer can display a talent for anything other than pouting like a porn actress and fooling men into thinking they are sooo hot, she can’t keep her clothes on?

What were they expecting, these older women, from an industry which thrives on lechery, tease and fakery? Trade Union rules? A professional pecking order? Democracy at the Dancing Dollar?

Surely it’s every woman for her hard-as-acrylic-nails self in a job like this. You go in there purely so you can earn as much money as possible (to put food in the mouths of your toddler triplets, or fund your way through an English degree - yeah, yeah) for as long as you can keep the cellulite at bay.

An influx of fresh young meat is inevitable in these hard times. It’s not like the halcyon days when clubs like those owned by Peter Stringfellow were the talk of the tabloids, but women are still looking for ways to make fast money. A consequence is clubs can get away with paying less at a time when fewer men can afford the entrance fee. Strippers’ wages have dropped; average nightly earnings are £250 instead of £280. My heart bleeds.

If you want fairer treatment, cover up your tush, lower your financial expectations and go work at Aldi. Or become a cleaner.

Think you’re too good for that? Scores don’t. They are doing honest, utterly unglamorous, low-paid jobs for the minimum wage. So can you.