Blonde bombshell fired by research

SOME LIKE IT HOT, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, 1959
SOME LIKE IT HOT, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, 1959
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How blond are men?

Some 54 per cent have admitted they would choose a brunette to wed – because blondes make rubbish wives and girlfriends.

They reckon women with brown hair will be more sensible and dependable.

Other ‘wifely’ brunette attributes, says new research from Superdrug, are being better cooks, being more organised, better with money, more likely to keep the house clean- and much more likely to get on better with the lads. I.E. being less likely to cop off with one of their mates.

Clearly, they are mistaking wives for skivvies, brunettes for housemaids and the fairest of the fairer sex as flighty, air-headed bimbos; an amalgamation of every character played by Marilyn Monroe.

I’m confused though (not difficult, eh? Check out my byline pic). I mean, how could a man – so smart, so superior in every way to a woman (well we ARE talking stereotypical poppycock here, aren’t we?) believe that a woman is going to be better at anything because of her hair colour?

Outraged of Rotherham was getting hot under her collar. The black one, perpetually strewn with stray blonde hairs.

And then I thought: well more fool the blondists. Hasn’t the woolly bobble hat been pulled over their eyes?

They might think they know, when they’re selecting a potential mate, who is – and isn’t – a blonde by nature, rather than by artifice. But I’ll bet you a pound to a pack of Clairol they haven’t a clue at first meeting.

They could be dismissing a whole showboat-load of blondes as shallow, fey and flighty, when in fact they are secret sensible brownies in disguise.

And what if that brunette is an imposter, too? True, it’s unlikely she’s actually a blonde (few naturally fair women are stupid enough to mask their best beauty asset). But she could easily be a redhead too tormented by gingerism, society’s ridiculous discrimination of anyone auburn.

What with the trend for Brazillians, the old ‘matching collar and cuffs’ test is now defunct; what do these brunette-seekers do once they start dating, hold their feelings on ice for a month and keep gazing at the top of her head until she’s passed the root regrowth test?

Thing is, I don’t think we women know our natural hair colour any more either. I’ve been faking it for so long I have no idea.

I first reached for the DIY bleach kit when I was 15. As soon as could afford to head to a proper hairdresser for sensible and sophisticated highlights (am showing my true colours? I sound like a brunette) and my highlights have been highlighted maybe a thousand times since.

Obviously, being blonde I can’t calculate the exact number.