Backwards is the wrong direction, Cheryl

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Clearly, airport photo opportunities and shampoo ads aren’t cutting it any more.

When she realises she’s losing her snap and crackle, and a pop princess has had to resort to posting sad selfies to keep herself in the limelight she’s accustomed to, there’s only one direction to go in. Backwards.

Yep, after all the staged fake-fights with Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole will be on the next X Factor judging panel.

Both show and ‘artist’ are singing from the same hymn sheet, each having seen their popularity plummet recently. Will the coupling resurrect Cheryl’s fortune, though?

Unlikely. If there’s one thing all these talent shows have taught viewers, it’s that there are thousands of wannabes out there who can do what Cheryl can’t.

Sing.