Agony Aunt Andrea Moon: I want to get married at 18

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Q: I’m 18 and have been going out with someone for the past 18 months.

We want to get married but my dad is dead against him because he doesn’t work. They have met a few times but it always feels really awkward. I work in an office but my boyfriend wants to be a DJ. He’s has uploaded a few videos on YouTube and played one gig but no-one has really given him a chance. I think he’s brilliant. How can I show my dad he really is trying? We both live at home but my boyfriend wants to get married as soon as possible.

A: Although it can work for some people, I would never advise getting married early in life. Only you can decide that. I’m so glad that my ideal man, at 18, wasn’t who I eventually married.
 It may be tempting to view your situation as a Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers scenario. But your dad is just trying to look after you. How does he live at the moment? How will you afford a place to live? How much are you intending to spend on a wedding? It’s okay to live your dream but how will you support yourself or each other? If you honestly love each other you will find a way to make it work, even if it means waiting. There is plenty of time to settle down. Have you had the chance to travel? Before rushing into anything you need to work out your finances. Try to budget for running a home for when you move out and consider the real costs of utilities, rent or mortgage, food, travel, entertainment, council tax as well as an initial deposit and legal fees. Maybe even set up a savings plan for the future, although I’ve never personally managed that. If you compare that figure to your wages does moving out seem feasible? If you became pregnant how would you support three of you?
There are DJs making good money across the world but they are very few and far between. I’ve worked with DJs in their 20s who have hits in the UK and US charts while still living at home with their parents, and they still had to work hard at their day jobs too.One gig does not a DJ make. Most DJs (even successful ones) have other jobs while they hone their craft. It’s more of a hobby until Pacha calls. What is your boyfriend good at? Could he set up his own DJ school? Would he consider an unrelated job while his dreams comes true? If not you need to ask yourself why. No one is handed fame and fortune, even on reality shows. To be able to become a real partner in a relationship you both need to be working towards a realistic future. If his dreams come true it will be with hard work, determination and talent.