My boyfriend cheats with other girls...but I love him.
Q: I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for about six months and I dread every time we go out as I know he’ll be flirting with the barmaid or waitress or my friends and will leave me sat on my own. He doesn’t like it when I go out on my own with my friends, which isn’t that often, and usually turns up later in the night. When we’re alone he is lovely but I know he has slept with two other girls since we met. When I tell him how I feel he just laughs it off, saying that they meant nothing. He tells me he loves me but it’s killing me to think he is with someone else. What can I do?
A: Love does not constitute making someone miserable so that you can bolster your own confidence. He is being selfish and seems to have something to prove to himself. How dare he do this at your expense?
Please get yourself checked out at as a precaution, and have a sexual health test – available free at your local Sexual Health Clinic 0114 276 6928 – to rule out any possible disease, as protection is not always fail-safe and not all diseases have symptoms. There is no shame in attending, it is your duty to look after yourself. This is not acceptable in a loving relationship. He has already betrayed you and is aware that he is torturing you when he flirts with other women. Why does he continue to behave in this way, and moreover why are you allowing him to do so? He has no right to follow you when you go out with your friends, he is no doubt judging you with his own standards (or lack thereof).
His insecurities are not of your making and should not be pandered to. If you aren’t enjoying it when you go out and constantly question yourself then this is not the relationship that you deserve. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and the Mug!).
Don’t ever think that your options are limited in finding a new love, there are many men out there who will appreciate your qualities and will not be so immature. Your friends will no doubt be glad of you taking a stand and getting rid of his embarrassing ways. The whole idea of having a life partner is to enjoy each other’s company, to have mutual respect, to have someone to share with and to trust.
It is supposed to be fun. Put your “big girl” pants on. Tell him its over, tell him why and move on. He will try to contact you and beg forgiveness, ignore him, be firm. Do not look back. When you find the right man and are treated properly, you will wonder what on earth you saw in this loser.