Heard about the latest celebrity coupling?
Madonna is rumoured to be Demi Moore’s NBF.
Apparently, Madge is turning herself into heartbroken Demi’s guardian angel as Mrs Kutcher faces the fact that her handsome, virile, 16 years younger husband is no trophy after all - he’s just as cheating and lying a philanderer an any old and ugly one can be.
Madonna is calling her every day and urging her to be strong, say the gossips.
How sweet. And clearly, they’ve got loads in common.
They’re both Kabbalah followers; both super-rich, glamorous and successful.
But when all the tea and tears and sympathy have dried up, there’s so much more to bind these two together forever. Principally, their goals in life; just four years apart in age, neither are going into an old one without a fight.
Look too at all the hobbies they share: cosmetic surgery (allegedly), strenuous work-out sessions, their love of clothes their daughters ought really to be wearing and their penchant for a having divine young man to dangle from their arm while other women their age have to make do with a bingo wing.
Imagine Madge and Dem’s top girlie day out; “Prime the personal trainers for a joint work-out at dawn, dahling; we can top up the cheek fillers before a spot (and I mean spot) of lunch, squeeze ourselves into the latest teen range from Versace and head off to pull at the nearest university campus.”
Anything to stop the conversation turning to the other thing they must surely share; a deep, raw insecurity about losing their looks - and being replaced by a younger, fresher, firmer model.