Thinking of visiting Doncaster sometime soon? Yes? Well, you’d better do your homework before you come to this town or you could make some terrible faux pas.
The people of this fair town don’t offend easily, but if you say the wrong thing, you risk annoying the bejeebers out of them. Here are nine guaranteed ways to do just that. (Not that you’d want to)
1. Dare to mention the L word
If you happen to be in Doncaster, don’t you dare mention the dreaded L word. Leeds is the armpit of Yorkshire and the people here would really rather not talk about it. Sure, you might think that it’s the best place in the world, but frankly, you are deluded and should see someone about that. (Oh, and if you’re from Leeds, I’d keep that quiet too!). The same applies to Barnsley and Rotherham. Oh, and Sheffield too.
2. Forget to make some yorkies on Sunday
Let’s have a quick chinwag about Sunday lunch, shall we? If you invite a Doncastrian (the super official term there) around to your home on a Sunday, you’d better not forget the yorkies. A roast ain’t a roast without some scrummy Yorkshire puds on the side.
3. Accuse them of being from Barnsley
Barnsley produces one type of person and one type of person alone – dingles. Please don’t accuse the good people of Doncaster of this terrible fate. They won’t like it. They won’t like you. You’ve been warned.
4. Drink lager
The real ale scene in Doncaster is fantastic. Given that indisputable fact, why on earth would you opt for a pint of cold, fizzy chemicals? If you really want to annoy someone from Donny, order a Carling at the bar and watch their face. In a mere moment, you will see any drip of respect they once had for you disappear. Lager drinkers are almost worse than Leeds folk. (Hey, I said almost!)
5. Eat chips without gravy
Chippy chips are one of the finest cuisines in these here parts. With their fatty, juicy goodness, you need just one thing -thick, delicious gravy. If you’re the kind of person who eats chips with just salt and vinegar, you can jog on. (Let’s not even mention people who eat chips with red sauce – eww.)
6. Drink PG Tips
There’s nothing like a good cup of tea… so long as it’s Yorkshire Tea. If you happen to drink any other brand, you’d better keep your mouth shut. It’s not that Donny folk think other tea brands taste bad, it’s that they actually do.
7. Mention the Iron Lady
The hatred for Margaret Thatcher runs deep in these parts, and with excellent reason. In the mid-eighties around 10,000 miners went on strike against the Iron Lady’s plans to close down their mines. Their efforts were fruitless, though, and hundreds of thousands of workers lost their jobs. Doncaster and other Northern towns are just about getting back on their feet after years of mass unemployment and poverty. So, for now, let’s just not mention that lady’s name, eh?
8. Support Leeds United
Every football fan in the UK hates Leeds United. Why? Because they are scumbags, of course! Don’t tell anyone from Doncaster (or just anyone at all) that you support this foul football club. It won’t win you any brownie points.
9. Be from the south
“Is that a hint of southerness I detect in your accent? If so, could you please remove yourself from my vicinity before I vomit on you? Thank you, please.” That’s what everyone here wants to say to snooty southerners, but we’re too damn polite.