HELEN'S DIARY: All I can say is it's a living hell for all of us
HELEN Miller, from South Anston, is waiting for a lung transplant and is keeping a weekly diary to support The Star's Gift of Life campaign.
The 38-year-old mum of two wants readers to know what life is really like on the waiting list.
Helen, who was a training manager before she fell ill now has so little energy that brushing her hair and cleaning her teeth are exhausting. Here she explains how her condition affected her this week.
SATURDAY
AFTER being stuck in the house for a week and feeling very ill I was desperate to get out. Being Saturday the adrenalin started to flow and I put my make up on and got dressed and was ready to go out for 12. As usual I went to Meadowhall and took a leisurely look round with mum buying a few Christmas presents along the way. We ate at a new restaurant grill bar which was very pleasant and relaxing. I did wake through the night with a headache and my muscles ached as usual but after a couple of tablets went back to sleep.
SUNDAY
MY first essay was sent today for my Open University degree. I must have changed it 10 times at least. I felt quite upset today and couldn't stop crying all day. I think it's because I'm moving between both houses all the time and I feel very unsettled. I miss John and the kids so much and it feels like my heart is being pulled every day. I then think to myself I wish the transplant would come and I can get back to normal, but I know life will never be normal again.
MONDAY
WENT on a small trip this afternoon, it took me until 12noon to get dressed and then 1pm until I ate breakfast. Then Mum and I went to Doncaster Retail Park with a shopping list from John, I enjoyed just being out in the fresh air. I get very depressed when I have to stop in all the time with no fresh air. John's got a chest infection, but what you do I can't keep away from him; I could catch an infection from a person standing in a queue. Went to bed early as aching quite a lot and read.
TUESDAY
WOKE at 10 with John telling me that he had tidied Danny's room and wardrobe and warned me not to buy anymore clothes for him! Tracy my sister in law came to visit me and we had a good chat. Then felt really tired so drifted off to sleep.
WEDNESDAY
THIS is the first bonfire night I've missed. I can't manage it this year. The kids are going to my brother's. But John and I and mum and dad have decided to stop in. I just can't manage the upheaval and the cold. A friend of my grandma's came to visit me today. I've not seen her since gran died. It was lovely to see her and made me realise that people do care even though you don't see them I'm trying to contact a friend I made a couple of years ago - Gary - who is a few years older than me and in the same boat. I am extremely lucky to have lots of family and friends and this diary to keep my spirits up some people don't. So I'm going to make it my mission to keep Gary cheerful and tell him he's not the only one and give him some contacts I've made to talk to.
THURSDAY
UP dressed and breakfast all before 12 noon. This is now becoming an achievement to get all this done for then. Gone home for a few days to see John and kids and be in my own bed and home. Whilst I'm struck down by this hideous situation I've just got to grin and bear it.
John made chicken and salad for tea and cut it into small pieces. I managed most of it. I sat at night holding john's hand whilst I lay in bed and talked to the kids. We sat there and kept saying we can't believe what has happened to us as a family over the past few years. From being a normal family both working and 2 normal kids to being in a situation where we don't know what's happening from one day to the next. All I can say it's a living hell for all of us. Abi told me that her ex dance teacher Tony contacted her this week and said he read my diary but had never put the two of us together. Im amazed how many people read this. Thank you all for reading it.
FRIDAY
NOT much happening today. Mum's come round to hoover and just potter. I'm updating my web site and blog.
- The Star's Gift of Life campaign has added the names of 28,000 readers to the Organ Donor Register.
Currently 8,000 people in the UK are waiting for a new kidney, liver, lung or heart. But a shortage of organ donors means hundreds people are dying on the waiting list each year.
Click here to go to the Organ Donor Register
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Friday 10 February 2012
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