My wife approved my girlfriend . . . from beyond the grave
All new partners come with a past life. But Janet Botsford didn't expect her boyfriend's wife to come visiting from the after-life
MUM Janet met widower David on the internet - and one of the people Janet found herself having to get approval from was his wife, Val.
She gave us her blessing in a message from beyond the grave, says Janet.
The 45-year-old mum of one had begun to despair of ever meeting the right man after a few failed relationships followed her divorce.
"I tried internet dating for a bit of a laugh - I wasn't expecting a serious relationship. But after chatting to a few men online I ended up going on a date with David - and fell for him pretty much straight away.
Dad of two David Duckering told Janet he had been a widower for two years and still missed his wife, Val.
"It was the first time I had dated someone whose partner had died - most people I'd met were single again because of divorce. But it didn't worry me - and I really appreciated David's honesty and openness," says Janet.
The relationship became serious very quickly. "We both felt we had found the right person," she recalls. "We seemed to have so much in common and we understood each other."
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She went to David's home in Lincoln to meet his two children, Kaye and Steven. Although they had lost their mum only two years earlier, they welcomed their dad having a new woman in his life. In fact, they were the ones who had encouraged the 49-year-old to try internet dating.
What Janet hadn't expected, though, was that there would be another family member keen to check her out.
"A few months into the relationship, I started to notice strange things happening," she recalls.
"I would be sitting at the computer when a pen would suddenly start rolling across the desk without any reason. I put the pen behind a notebook - and still it started to move. This time, it went so far it fell on the floor.
"I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
"I thought Dave would think I was mad when I told him. Instead, he quietly explained that it may have been Val - and that he and the kids had often felt she was making her presence felt around the house."
A few weeks later, Janet felt her hair being stroked affectionately - and spun round expecting to see 13-year-old Kaye. But there was no one there.
"I went into the next room to find her and as I told her what had happened, a framed photograph of Kaye and her mum started to swing on its hook on the wall.
"I felt very strongly that it was Val, trying to tell me she was around. My relationship with Dave had got serious. I was about to sell my home in Bolsover and move in with Dave and the kids. I honestly believe she was checking me out.
"She loved Dave and her children desperately; I think she wanted to make sure I was good for them.
"As a mother, I totally understand that. It's exactly how I would feel if I knew another woman had come into my family's life.
More on next page.
READ MORE
My wife approved my girlfriend from beyond the grave.
How I dealth with grief of losing my wife.
Clairvoyant explains common guilt. She sounded like a really lovely lady and never for one moment did I feel frightened or that I had made her feel jealous.
"The only thing that made me feel uneasy was the fact that I didn't know whether she approved of me or not..."
That changed, though, the night she, Dave and 17-year-old Steven went to see the Hemsworth-born clairvoyant Stephen Holbrook.
"We were all stunned when a message came through from Val. She told Dave how much she was missing the children, and that their daughter's school shoes were in a right state - and they were. They were falling to pieces, but Kaye refused to throw them out.
"Then Stephen said Val wanted to give me a message.
"She says you can have Dave because she knows you're going to look after him," Stephen told me.
"I was stunned. But it felt lovely - as if I had been given her approval.
"I am not trying to step into Val's shoes - her shoes are her own. I think she realises that. But I believe she can also see that her children and her husband are happier now. and that must bring her peace; we haven't felt her presence in the house for some time now. But she's always welcome to visit - I know there are three of us in this relationship, and that's fine by me."
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Weather for Sheffield
Wednesday 23 May 2012
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