LIFE'S A BITCH - Jacko's still a monster earner

From an unhealthily tender age, Michael was the most talented member of the Jackson clan - and therefore their most efficient money-making machine.

And his death has changed nothing.

In fact, it's sent profits rocketing. Since 2009, his estate has made some 200 million a year. A sight more than Jacko got in the latter days, when he was feeling distinctly on his uppers (relatively speaking, that is. He still managed to traverse the world in private planes and maintain a lifestyle of privilege).

His total earnings now stand at over $1bn - officially making him the world's top-earning dead celebrity.

It's touching to know that, even though they are preoccupied with bringing the doctor who prescribed his powerful painkillers and sedatives to trial, The Family have managed to find the strength to sign a few record deals and bring out the memorabilia.

The latest offering from The House Of Jackson? A perfume launches in March.

It doesn't smell of the man himself, which is probably no bad thing, it is made from the flowers that grow on Michael's Neverland Estate.

What will his dad come up with next to keep the memory of his most famous son alive – and the millions rolling in?

A set of Jacko tea-towels and matching white oven glove?

Narrow speak with TV guide

Diary note to self: Friday, January 28, Get the hell away from the telly.

A Mr and Mrs Rattray of Leeds (yes, it's their real name) plus their 27 pet rats will be on.

The couple, surely borderline insane, are members of the Yorkshire Rat Club. There is an appreciation society? It beggars belief. What's to love about disease-carrying buck-toothed vermin?

I speak having encountered rats at close quarters. An entire family. In my kitchen. The sound of the mother's heavy footfall as she trotted across the floor, the sight of three partially munched bananas in the fruit bowl - ON MY KITCHEN TABLE - they will never leave me.

A rat catcher from Rotherham environmental health (when it was free) finally got shut. But even now, the faintest squeak of wisteria on windowpane or cranky gas boiler has me jumping on a chair like that woman in Tom and Jerry.

Got a view? Leave a comment below.

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