How I dealt with the grief of losing my wife
Dave's story "When Val died four years ago, me and the kids were devastated.
She was the love of my life; my only serious relationship.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 30s, I honestly thought she would get cured. She was young; our children were only nine and 13. It didn't seem possible that something so serious was happening to our family," says David.
The lump Val had found turned out to be an advanced tumour and doctors advised on chemotherapy and radiotherapy instead of surgery. It kept the cancer at bay for a while, but secondary tumours developed.
"She was gone at 46 and I thought I would never love again," says Dave.
Val had been the girl he had fancied from afar.
"She lived on the same road as my grandad. I never thought she'd be interested in me. Then my uncle bet me a fiver I couldn't get off with her and that gave me the courage to ask her out.
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"We were both 18; she was my first real love. We married at 21 and were so happy for 23 years. After her death, I just wanted to be on my own. I didn't want another woman; I missed Val."
Dave felt that Val's spirit was often close by, though.
"I could feel her presence around the house and it was very comforting.
"Things would appear and disappear in the house; I took them to be signs from Val. I'd be washing up at the sink and a cold breeze would suddenly tickle the back of my neck. She was a very touchy-feely person and would often flick my ears or touch my neck.
"One night, though, I got the shock of my life when I woke up and found myself floating six inches above the mattress.
"I thought I must be dreaming, but then I got flipped over in mid-air!
"I landed on the floor by the bed and I was really scared until I realised it was Val letting me know she was still around.
"I went to see several psychics and one told me she could see a woman standing with two white animals; we used to have two pure white cats and that convinced me."
Dave found it hard to get over the loss of the woman he loved, though.
"As time went on and I was still mourning Val, I got really down," he admits. "The kids could see how unhappy I was and realised that I needed company, bless them.
"Both Kaye and Steven took it in turns to persuade me to try on-line dating. It was two years on from Val's death so I gave it a try and met four nice women, but there was no romance there. Then I found Janet. I don't know what it was, but something clicked the first time we met.
"In fact, it felt so right that things moved quickly. It's amazing; you think you will never get over something, then you find yourself coming out the other side, prepared to love again."
But as his feelings for Janet grew, Dave felt more and more guilty about being with a woman other than Val.
"When Janet moved in, it felt like I was being disloyal to Val's memory.
More on next page.
READ MORE
My wife approved my girlfriend from beyond the grave.
Clairvoyant explains common guilt.
It had been her house; she had chosen everything in it with such pride, and another woman was there.
"The message that came through to Stephen Holbrook meant so much to me. It eased my guilt; it was 100 per cent proof to me that Janet and I had Val's blessing.I felt that she was happy for us.
"The first time I met Janet, I told her I still loved Val and I always would. That is still true to this day. Half of me went with her when she died. But here I am today, whole again, thanks to Janet."
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Friday 25 May 2012
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