Friends and holidays a dangerous mix?
Going on holiday with your girlfriends always sounds like a great idea.
But, like doing your own fake tan, the results can be hit and miss.
At best you'll come back glowing. But at worst, you'll suffer from being overly optimistic - and once you've seen your best mates close up for a fortnight, their flaws can start to show.
Despite the sunshine, lack of work and a regular supply of cocktails, some Moaning Minnie friends will always find something to moan about while on their hols.
If it's not her mother-in-law or her man, it's mutual friends or her health worries that will stop you blissing out on the sun lounger.
Relationships counsellor Gladeana McMahon says that friends who use you just to offload their problems and don't ask you about yours may not be worth keeping.
"Friendship has to be a two-way process. It's not only about what you give but also what you get back.
"We all offload our problems on to our friends from time to time, but are they there for you when you're not so happy?"
And what woman hasn't got a friend whose life seems so enviously perfect? She always shows up looking great, her children are well-behaved and she never has to stress about her house being a mess - because it never is.
While not every friend blessed with 'perfection' is out to get you, McMahon points out that some women do like to lord it over others.
"Some friends have a subtle way of criticising you," says McMahon.
They are actually using you to make themselves feel better. Often a pretty friend will go shopping with the not-so-pretty friend just to boost her own ego."
Real pals will be honest with each other.
If you're planning on wearing a bikini to the beach that would look better on a slightly smaller lady, she won't tell you to go on a diet.
Instead she'll talk you into wearing something more flattering and reassure you about all your good points, whether it's your legs, your boobs or your bum.
If your mate makes you the butt of all her jokes while on holiday, it might be time to cut the cord."Dodgy friends often use humour to try and get away with it," points out McMahon.
"They'll say things like, 'Don't give her a drink - you don't know what she's like when she's had a few', in front of a new man, or making some cutting comment in a jokey way.
So if your mate's always putting you down in front of others and it makes you feel uncomfortable, it's time to ditch her.
"Yes, there are in-jokes between friends, but if your so-called friend says something in front of others in a pub, club, or at a party which makes you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, then she's no mate."
The small matter of how hard each of you want to party can be a source of holiday rows for friends.
You want to have fun, especially while away from work and family pressures - but if she wants to go clubbing more than you, you've got to be more assertive and say no a bit more, says the relationships guru.
"Holidays are time to recharge your batteries and relax. Remember you need time for yourself.
"True friends will understand that.
"If you agree to go partying all the time to keep your mate happy, then something's got to give."
But Sheffield women say holidays with friends can be heaven, too...
'Thelma and Louise trip my best ever'
"Let's do a Thelma and Louise..."
It was one of those impulse decisions born out of either madness or divine inspiration, says Ruth Adams, life coach and trainer of Aston-based In Your Element consultancy.
"At just a few days' notice, and in spite of the fact that I have a pathological fear of flying, my friend and colleague Jan Harvey and I set off for Los Angeles on our very own Thelma and Louise adventure.
"We were like a pair of excited teenagers let loose for the first time, rather than the 50-plus U.S. virgins we really were. And we had a ball.
"Jan reminds me I couldn't work out which side of the road to turn on to at every junction and getting down to Orange County was a never to be forgotten experience.
"We were heading off for a two-day training course in personality assessment and team development which was to form the basis of our businesses.
"But we had fun at the same time, hitting the local shopping mall each evening, and we spent like millionaires on our credit cards, rather than the cash- strapped mums we really were.
"Training over, we headed north for Sunset Boulevard, Malibu and Hollywood and felt like the celebrities whose homes we passed in our open-top hire car.
"It was undoubtedly my best holiday ever. The only downside was having to return to reality, but we did come back with the skills needed to help us transform other people's lives for the better."'The group eats, drinks and laughs - and overcomes all obstacles!'
Girly holidays are something of a speciality subject for city entrepreneur and networking supremo Jill White.
She has been arranging them for up to 11 women at a time for the last five years.
Jill opens the doors of her house in Portugal and crams in as many local businesswoman as she can.
"At first it was a chance to get more people to spread the word about a part of Portugal I love, but mainly I wanted to get women I knew and liked from a work environment together to relax and enjoy each other's company," says Jill, a partner in city business consultancy Andy Hanselman Consulting.
"I never really thought it might not work, or lead to business opportunities.
"There was no real agenda.
"We are a real mixed bunch - ages range from mid 30s to almost 60, some have kids, some don't, some are divorced, others have left husbands at home and some are single. Some know each other, others are complete strangers.
"The common denominator is work. We are all career women.
"We usually go on the last weekend in January. The weather is not brilliant but it doesn't matter- it's just girl time.
"Most will have had fraught, busy times over Christmas so this is a chance to chill.
"So what do we do? Walk, talk, have spa treatments, go to exercise classes, have nights out, eat, drink, but most of all laugh!
"What makes it work? Likemindedness - there is common ground and we have similar spirits.
"Although we are all very strong individuals, each of us is happy to go with the flow.
"And we kind of know each other but not that intimately.
"Obviously not everyone has come back as soulmates - although some have - but the group has always overcome.
"Famous last words!"
'Three essentials - groundwork, planning and compromise'
"My 20-year history of holidays with the girls started accidentally," says Faye Smith, founder of Sheffield marketing and training consultancy Keep Your Fork.
"A week before I was due to fly to Rhodes, my boyfriend and I decided to call it a day and neither of us could find anyone else to go at such short notice.
"Cue bemoaning the fact at work, when a lovely colleague mentioned her daughter's marriage had just ended and she might like a break," says the mum of two.
"We met for lunch in town that day, agreed all we wanted from this holiday was to sit and read in a lounger for a week, swim, eat well and have early nights - strictly no partying or male interest!
"Because we were clear on the ground rules right from the start, and stuck to our agreement, apart from one night's clubbing we both relented to, it was a very positive experience for both of us- despite only having spent one hour together beforehand."
Husbands (two) and children took up Faye's holiday time and cash after that, but over the last few years she has gone back to holidaying with friends.
"I have enjoyed two special city breaks - to Prague and Paris - with my friend Belinda and have holidayed very successfully at an adventure centre in Snowdonia for the last four years running with my girlfriends and their children.
"And last year, my dear friend Fiona and I braved taking our children to Switzerland on a walking holiday. Sledging on the Jungfraujoch, the highest point of Europe, in August sunshine was something I shall never forget.
"The key to having a good holiday with someone you know really well is just the same as it is with someone you barely know at all - groundwork, planning and compromise.
Got a view? Leave a comment below.
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Friday 25 May 2012
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