Bucketloads of family fun for my young thrill-seekers
IT was a wet weekend. No, it didn't rain. Well, only a little. We were in Britain after all.
But it was wet. Very wet. The log flume, the river rapids, the water park and a group of young scallies who ambushed me from behind on a pirate ship saw to that. And through it all - because of it all - the laughter never stopped.
This was a good time Alton Towers style. Me, a wife, two young lads and all day to play in the best theme park you could ever wish to visit. Brilliant? Not even close. Way, way better than that.
First off, the latest attraction and new for 2009, Sharkbait Reef - a dark complex of giant illuminated tanks where sharks and rays swim past within inches of your eyes and everything is given a pirate theme to keep children even more interested.
Each corner and every turn brings a fresh species to marvel at and there's plenty of interaction where kids can dip in their fingers and experience things for real. With little feeder shrimp that is ... don't worry, they don't do it with the sharks. After all, what shark would survive an attack from giddy-as-anything seven and ten-year-olds?
Then out into the open and on to what Alton Towers is deservedly famous for ... rides.
Perhaps the biggest beast of all is the Nemesis. Even the warning signs that this is the most intense ride you'll ever experience provoke butterflies.
We stood on the outskirts locked in family debate. The boys seemed up to the challenge, but did we, as responsible parents, need to save them from themselves?
I was starting to panic. The boys were winning. We were going on. Then the ride thundered past.
A distant grumble suddenly became a deafening whoosh and a blur of people suspended in mid-air flashed by. Light doesn't travel this fast. Their screams filled the air, still audible as they disappeared from view in a series of mad, frightening turns and pirouettes.
The kids took one look at each other and spoke in unison: "No."
Outwardly, never missing a trick to appear a hero dad, I protested: "Tuh, I was really looking forward to that."
Inwardly, I wept silent tears of relief. But there were dozens of others attractions which did meet with family approval, and that's the beauty of Alton Towers - there's so much for everyone.
If you're the kind of person who likes having their senses scrambled - and, believe me, there were thousands there that day who did - you've come to the right place. If you need to tone it down a little but still want thrills, step this way. If you're a big scaredy-cat who finds ping-pong balls and goldfish their limit, you'll still have a great day. Everybody is catered for.
Anyway, soaking No 1 ... the white-water rapids are a great family giggle as you wend your way down a fast-running waterway in a rubber- sided boat bouncing off all manner of obstacles. Pick the wrong seat and the combination of choppy water and waterfalls will nail you more than once. I picked the wrong seat.
We were all still laughing as we boarded the children's pirate ships, pint-sized boats which sail you round the lake while you frantically power water cannons with a little wheel aiming at all and sundry. Pick the wrong spot and some young chancers in another ship will take the chance to soak you from behind. I picked the wrong spot.
And so on to the log flume, which toys with you by firing a few drips at you on the long trail round to the top before delivering the final white-sprayed denouement.
By now I was resigned to my fate. The family had kindly left me a seat at the front and the laughter rang out yet again as the inevitable happened. I couldn't have been wetter if I'd thrown myself in. I picked the wrong family.
There are numerous warming stations round the park where for 2 you can dry out in a matter of seconds, but I was too tight to pay.
There are some lovely gardens to be enjoyed as well, although I have to say the thrill-seeker in us outweighed any horticultural bent and we paid them scant attention, despite this being a wonderfully picturesque corner of Staffordshire.
Try, if you dare, the fastest ride I have ever, ever experienced. A white-knuckle blast based on a rally-car theme which left my stomach so far behind I'm still looking for it. From standing start to full speed in just ... I'm sorry, I can't go on. Just thinking about it has got me frantically reaching for the handbrake.
And all under the genteel name of Rita. They should be sued under the Trade Descriptions Act. I once met a Rita and she never went like that. To round off a perfect day, we headed for the indoor water park - amazingly designed, with multiple levels, water dropping and spraying from everywhere, and a passage to outside where the slides are waiting.
You'll have to take wife Vikki's word for it on the slides as it was she who braved the great outdoors with the boys.
By now I had stumbled on the ultra-warm spa pool and was elbowing mums and toddlers out of the way to make sure of my spot.
The boys enticed me on to one of the upper levels where, failing to respond to a warning siren, I was engulfed by a deluge to rival Niagara.
They could barely stand up for laughing, but I kept my dignity. After everything that had gone before, it was the driest I'd been all day.
Too soon the day was over. We'd been scared, thrilled, dizzied, shook up and enthralled in equal measure.
But, more than anything, we'd just had great, wholesome, priceless family fun. And - bearing in mind my watery torture - there were bucketloads of it.Factfile
The 1.8 million pirate-themed aquarium, Sharkbait Reef, is home to more than 300 spectacular species of fish in more than one million litres of water.
It has the UK's only tropical interactive pool, where visitors are encouraged to dip in their fingers so shrimps can give them a manicure.
We stayed at the Splash Landings hotel, which is a wonderful venue for families, with bright, spacious rooms, and is home to the fabulous waterpark.
Hotel stays start from just 100 per room based on four sharing on a bed-and-breakfast basis (buffet style in the Caribbean-themed restaurant)when booked online.
Theme-park tickets are priced from 29 for adults, 22 for kids and 81 and 98 for families of four and five respectively. A good idea to bypass queues is to purchase priority-access day tickets (5 for children, 8 for adults) which can be used on all of the park's major rides.
For the best deals or more information, visit www.altontowers.com or call 0871 222 9901.ol, where visitors are encouraged to dip in their fingers so shrimps can give them a manicure.
We stayed at the Splash Landings hotel, which is a wonderful venue for families, with bright, spacious rooms, and is home to the fabulous waterpark.
Hotel stays start from just 100 per room based on four sharing on a bed-and-breakfast basis (buffet style in the Caribbean-themed restaurant)when booked online.
Theme-park tickets are priced from 29 for adults, 22 for kids and 81 and 98 for families of four and five respectively. A good idea to bypass queues is to purchase priority-access day tickets (5 for children, 8 for adults) which can be used on all of the park's major rides.
For the best deals or more information, visit www.altontowers.com or call 0871 222 9901.
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Weather for Sheffield
Saturday 26 May 2012
Today
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Temperature: 9 C to 23 C
Wind Speed: 18 mph
Wind direction: North east
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Temperature: 10 C to 22 C
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